100 Best Dad Jokes

It takes a certain level of humor to genuinely appreciate a good, solid dad joke. These funny jokes are almost always to the point and often corny.

Dads are there for you in so many ways, from training kids how to ride a bike to showing adult folks how to change a tire and all crucial life hacks. It is for these endless reasons that we celebrate father’s Day.

Best Dad Jokes

So, why not share a good laugh with our list of dad jokes, sure to crack your ribs. They are really funny yet thought-provoking. Make your interactions with dads worthwhile!

Dive in and explore!


1. How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but he has to do it while you are eating dinner.


2. I’m afraid of the calendar.

Its days are numbered.


3. Which bear is the most condescending?

A pan-duh


4. How many DIY buffs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but it takes two weeks and four trips to the hardware store.


5. My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape.

That would be a big step forward.


6. What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make?

Brrrroooom, brrroooom.


7. I read that by law you must turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden.

How am I supposed to know when it is raining in Sweden?


8. Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth.

Then it’s a soap opera.


9. I don’t trust stairs.

They are always up to something.


10. What’s brown and sticky?

A stick


11. Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?”

I burst into tears—11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.


12. Two guys walked into a bar.

The third guy ducked.


13. Why didn’t Han Solo enjoy his steak dinner?

It was Chewie.


14. “What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?”

“They’re both Paris sites.”


15. Why don’t pirates take a bath before they walk the plank?

They just wash up on shore.


16. “What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?”



17. How do you get a country girl’s attention?

A tractor


18. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

Because they’re so good at it.


19. Why are elevator jokes so classic and good?

They work on many levels.


20. Did you hear about the racing snail who got rid of his shell?

He thought it would make him faster, but it just made him sluggish.


21. How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?

“You follow the fresh prints.”


22. What do you call a pudgy psychic?

A four-chin teller


23. Did you hear about the guy who froze to death at the drive-in?

He went to see Closed for the Winter.


24. “If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?”



25. What did the police officer say to his belly button?

You’re under a vest.


26. When does a joke become a “dad joke?”

When it becomes apparent.


27. What do you call it when a group of apes starts a company?

Monkey business.


28. “Knock, knock.” “Who’s there?”

“Nobel.” “Nobel who?” “No­bel, so I knock knocked.”


29. My wife asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall” to her.

I said maybe…


30. What’s the least spoken language in the world?

Sign language.


31. I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes.

Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.


32. What do you call a hippie’s wife?



33. “What do you call a factory that makes okay products?”

“A satisfactory.”


34. I sold our vacuum cleaner.

It was just gathering dust.


35. Dear Math,

Grow up and solve your own problems.


36. What kind of drink can be bitter and sweet?



37. What did the evil chicken lay?

Deviled eggs


38. Did you hear they arrested the devil?

Yeah, they got him on possession.


39. “What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?”



40. A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist.

He got repossessed.


41. Have you heard about the chocolate record player?

It sounds pretty sweet.


42. What do you call a naughty lamb dressed up as a skeleton for Halloween?

Baaad to the bone.


43. How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.


44. What did the ocean say to the beach?

Nothing, it just waved.


45. Want to know why nurses like red crayons?

Sometimes they have to draw blood.


46. What’s the best way to watch a fly-fishing tournament?

Live stream


47. Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?

Because if they flew over the bay, we’d call them bagels.


48. What would the Terminator be called in his retirement?

The Exterminator


49. How do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

You will see one later and one in a while.

50. What did Tennessee?

The same thing as Arkansas.


51. Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex?

Because they were watch dogs.


52. What do you call a dog that can do magic?

A Labracabrador


53. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet.

I don’t know y


54. Why do dogs float in water?

Because they are good buoys.


55. “How does the moon cut his hair?”

Eclipse it


56. My wife asked me to go get 6 cans of Sprite from the grocery store.

I realized when I got home that I had picked 7 up.


57. What happens when it rains cats and dogs?

You have to be careful not to step in a poodle.


58. What did one wall say to the other?

I’ll meet you at the corner.


59. Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they use a honeycomb.


60. What do you call 50 pigs and 50 deer?

100 sows and bucks


61. What did the zero say to the eight?

That belt looks good on you.


62. Why do some couples go to the gym?

Because they want their relationship to work out.


63. Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don’t work.


64. Where do fruits go on vacation?



65. What do you call an angry musician flipping someone off?

A song bird.


66. I asked my dog what’s two minus two.

He said nothing


67. What’s the most detail-oriented ocean?

The Pacific


68. What do you call a fish with no eye?

A fsh


69. What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn?

Where’s Pop Corn?


70. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It’s fine, he woke up.


71. Police arrested a bottle of water because it was wanted in three different states.

Solid, liquid, and gas


72. How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree?

By the bark


73. What do you call a lazy kangaroo?

Pouch potato


74. What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.


75. Why did the man fall down the well?

I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.


76. Why is Peter Pan always flying?

Because he Neverlands


77. Why is grass so dangerous?

Because it’s full of blades.


78. What does a sprinter eat before a race?

Nothing, they fast!


79. Which state has the most streets?


80. A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club.

“We don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. “Why not?” one yogurt asks. “We’re cultured.”


81. Where do you learn to make a banana split?

Sundae school


82. What do you call 26 letters that went for a swim?



83. A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”


84. A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head.

The bartender says, “What’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Arrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”


85. “What has more letters than the alphabet?”

The post office!


86. What’s the name of a very polite, European body of water?



87. Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?

All they said was, “Bach, Bach, Bach…”


88. Dad, did you get a haircut?

No, I got them all cut!


89. Why did the coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.


90. What did the DNA say to the other DNA?

“Do these genes make me look fat?”


91. What do you call a poor Santa Claus?

St. Nickel-less


92. Why did the bedding hide their relationship?

They just wanted something pillow-key!


93. What do you need to make a small fortune on Wall Street?

A large fortune


94. Where do boats go when they’re sick?

To the boat doc


95. I’ve been thinking about taking up meditation.

I figure it’s better than sitting around doing nothing.


96. Did you hear the one about the kid who started a business tying shoelaces on the playground?

It was a knot-for-profit.


97. I don’t trust those trees.

They seem kind of shady.


98. Dogs can’t operate MRI machines.

But catscan


99. Why should you never mention the number 288?

It’s two gross.


100. What does “Rockin’ Robin” do when she’s bored?



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