100 Best Mom Jokes

Dad jokes might be more common, but moms too can have their moment of fame with their hilarious mom jokes.

Motherhood can be hard, with moms juggling in between duties just to keep the family afloat. This is why kids need something to cheer up mommy. We know finding the best mom jokes can be a daunting task, that’s why we have compiled this list.

Best Mom Jokes

These jokes will crack you up. Check this one out: Do you know why mother’s day is celebrated before father’s day? So that kids can spend all their Christmas money on mom. Nice one, right?

For more laughter-filled moments, go through the following best mom jokes.

 

1. What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?

“Where’s Pop Corn?”

 

2. I asked a police recruit during an exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?”

He said, “Call for backup.”

 

3. Why is a computer so smart?

Because it listens to its motherboard.

 

4. Daughter: “Mom, I need my personal space!”

Mom: “You came out of my personal space.”

 

5. How kids say goodnight:

“I fed the dog, and now he’s making a funny noise.”

 

6. Why did the cookie cry?

Because his mother was a wafer so long!

 

7. Good moms let their kids lick the beaters.

Great moms turn them off first.

 

8. What are the three quickest ways to spread a rumor?

The internet, telephone, and telling your mom.

 

9. Ever heard of a job that requires no experience, gives no training, pays nothing, and you can’t quit?

That’s motherhood. Oh, and people’s lives are on the line.

 

10. What do you call a small mom?

Minimum

 

11. Mommy doesn’t have a favorite child.

You all annoy me equally.

 

12. A mother said to her son, “Look at that kid over there; he’s not misbehaving.”

The son replied, “Maybe he has good parents then!”

 

13. Why don’t mothers wear watches?

There’s a clock on the stove.

 

14. Why did the baby strawberry cry?

Because his mom was in a jam!

 

15. What did Mommy spider say to baby spider?

“You spend too much time on the web.”

 

16. What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

“It’s time to go to sweep!”

 

17. “After a long day, my favorite thing is to think of something for dinner that everyone will eat.”

No mother, ever

 

18. Science teacher: “When is the boiling point reached?”

Student: “When my mother sees my report card!”

 

19. What did the panda give his mommy?

A bear hug.

 

20. Showering as a mom should be an Olympic sport:

Everyone’s yelling your name, you have to beat the clock, and you rarely win a medal

 

21. Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom?

A bear hug.

 

22. What did the lazy boy say to his mom on Mother’s Day when she was about to do the dishes?

“Relax mom… you can just do them in the morning.”

 

23. I would like to officially apologize to my toddler for opening her granola bar from the top instead of the bottom.

I don’t know what I was thinking.

 

24. What sweets do astronaut moms like?

Mars bars.

 

25. What was Cleopatra’s favorite day of the year?

Mummy’s Day

 

26. Mom’s casseroles come in two sizes:

Not enough and enough to feed an army with leftovers.

 

27. Have you heard the urban legend about what happens when you scream “Mom” three times in the shower?

A nice lady appears with the towel you forgot.

 

28. Why did mom get a plate of English muffins on Mother’s Day?

Her family wanted her to feel like a queen!

 

29. I stubbed my toe and my mom shouted at me for yelling, “What the duck!”

She was angry that I used fowl language.

 

30. I love all my children equally. Except for the one who sleeps.

I love that one more.

 

31. What kind of flowers are best for Mother’s Day?

Mums

 

32. Mom’s recipe for iced coffee: Have kids. Make coffee.

Forget you made coffee. Put it in the microwave. Forget you put it in the microwave. Drink it cold.

 

33. Why did they have to rush the mommy rattlesnake to the doctor?

She bit her tongue!

 

34. Mom sleep:

The state of rest where your eyes are closed, but you can still hear everything your kids are doing

 

35. What color flowers do mama cats like to get?

Purrrrrrrple flowers.

 

36. “Look at me, Mommy!”

Is the toddler equivalent of “Hold my beer.”

 

37. What warm drink helps mom relax?

Calm-omile tea.

 

38. How do you get the kids to be quiet?

Say, “Mum’s the word.”

 

39. I don’t want to sleep like a baby.

I want to sleep like my husband.

 

40. Why was the house so neat on Mother’s Day?

Because Mom spent all day Saturday cleaning it.

 

41. Important truth no one tells you:

Both of you come home from the hospital in diapers.

 

42. Why did the mommy horse want to race on a rainy day?

She was a mudder.

 

43.  I’m going to donate these bags of outgrown baby clothes to Goodwill.

But first I’m going to drive around with them in my trunk for two months.

 

44. Why did the bean children give their mom a sweater?

She was chili.

 

45. A friend asked me if she should have a baby after 40.

I said no, 40 babies are enough.

 

46. My kid is turning out to be exactly like me.

Well played, Karma. Well played.” — House Wife Plus

 

47. My kids are never better friends than when it’s 30 minutes past bedtime, and they won’t stop giggling.

The Simplified Family

 

48. Your nickname is Mom.

But your real name is Mooooooooom!

 

49. Is there any way to file a temporary restraining against a toddler?

Just like 24 hours, maybe two days tops. Asking for a friend.” — Just Surviving Motherhood

 

50. When can we come see the baby?

Four a.m. would be super helpful. Thanks.” — Just Surviving Motherhood

 

51. I love when the kids tell me they’re bored.

As if the lady standing in front of a sink full of dirty dishes is where you go to get ideas about how to have a good time.

 

52. I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford.

Then I want to move in with them.

 

53. You know how once you have kids you never ever pee by yourself again?

At least one of them is always in there with you at all times.

 

54. Shower paranoia:

The constant feeling that a child is crying every time you step under the spray.

 

55. My nickname is Mom.

But my full name is “Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom.”

 

56. Why is Mother’s Day before Father’s Day?

So the kids can spend all their Christmas money on mom.

 

57. Momster:

What Mom turns into after she counts to three.

 

58. There are two amounts of pasta moms are good at cooking:

Not enough and enough for 3,000 people.

 

59. My mum has the best solutions for every problem.

She is truly the mother of invention.

 

60. Mom’s recipe for iced coffee:

Have kids. Make coffee. Forget you made coffee. Put it in the microwave. Forget you put it in the microwave. Drink it cold.

 

61. Baby snake: “Mommy, are we venomous?”

Mommy snake: “Yes, son. Why?” Baby snake: “I just bit my tongue!”

 

62. Why don’t they have Mother’s Day sales?

Because mothers are priceless.

 

63. How many moms does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, obviously, and she has to do it or else it won’t get done.

 

64. What kind of boat is barely staying afloat, yet somehow manages to function?

The mother ship.

 

65. What did the digital clock say to its analog mother?

Look, Mom! No hands!

 

66. What is a jumper?

Something you wear when your mother gets cold.

 

67. What kind of candy do moms love for Mother’s Day?

Her-she’s Kisses.

 

68. Before having kids, every mom thinks she’ll be a super-chill mom.

That’s because, at that point, we had no idea they’d break all our stuff, make ridiculous demands, and take roughly 10 years to get out of the car.

 

69. Hmm, I’m the first one awake in the whole house.

Think I’ll play this kazoo, it just feels right.

 

70. Please excuse the mess! My kids are making memories.

Of me yelling at them. To clean up the mess.

 

71. “My daughter has been home from school for 30 minutes.”

She’s been talking for 40 of them.

 

72. My kids asked me what it was like to be a mom.

So, I woke them up at 3 a.m. demanding to know where my lucky sock was.

 

73. Repeating the same thing over and over to your kids isn’t so bad if you think of it as chanting a zen mantra:

Put on your shoes. Put on your shoes. Put on your shoes. Ommmmm.

 

74. She believed she could, and she almost did…

But then someone asked her repeatedly for a snack and she totally lost track of what she was doing.

 

75. It’s spicy:

Universal mom code for “I don’t want to share.”

 

76. What’s the fastest land mammal?

A toddler who’s been asked what’s in their mouth.

 

77. How many moms does it take to get you to clean your room?

One, but it takes 18 years!

 

78. What makes more noise than a child jumping on mommy’s bed?

Two children jumping on mommy’s bed!

 

79. Where do baby Transformers come from

Opti-Mom Prime.

 

80. Son: “Mom, can I get $20?”

Mom: “Does it look like I’m made of money?” Son: “Well, isn’t that what M.O.M stands for?”

 

81. Son: “Dad, do you know the difference between a pack of cookies and a pack of elephants?”

Dad: “No.” Son: “Then it’s a good thing Mom does the grocery shopping!”

 

82. What does the mom diet consist of?

All of the foods her kids can’t finish.

 

83. What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato?

Catch up!

 

84. What did the mother rope say to her child?

“Don’t be knotty.”

 

85. If I ever go missing, just follow my kids.

They can find me wherever I try to hide!

 

86. Silence is golden.

Unless you have kids, then silence is suspicious.

 

87. What three words solve every dad’s problems?

Ask your mother.

 

88. What did the mommy spider say to the Baby spider?

You spend too much time on the web.

 

89. When did you know you were a mother?

When I realized 90 percent of my day was locating someone else’s lost crap.

 

90. I don’t want to sleep like a baby.

I want to sleep like my husband.

 

91. What is a mom’s favorite flower?

Chrysanthemums.

 

92. What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It’s time to go to sweep!

 

93. What do Italian kids say to their moms?

“Mama mia, you make the best food!”

 

94. What warm drink helps mom relax?

Calm-omile tea

 

95. When your mom’s voice is so loud,

Even your neighbors brush their teeth and get dressed.

 

96. What’s it like living with kids?

Well, it’s never mum-dane.

 

97. Son: “Mom, what’s a weekend?”

Mom: “I don’t know, sweetheart, I haven’t had one since you were born.”

 

98. Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom?

Because she left the phone off the hook!

 

99. Why was the house so neat on Mother’s Day?

Because Mom spent all day Saturday cleaning it.

 

100. Motherhood:

When changing from plaid flannel PJs into black yoga pants qualifies as “getting dressed.”

 

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