Remember when she-riff arrested a bottle of water because it was needed in three states?
Despite the serious nature of their profession, interacting with cops can bring in the fun, especially in outrageous situations like pranking. Whether you’ve been caught on the wrong side of the law or not, these jokes will definitely ring a bell.
Funniest Officers/ Police Jokes and Puns
We just can’t get enough of twisted police jokes and puns!
Therefore, we are being charged with bringing you hilarious cop jokes and puns, and we are sure you will find them arresting. Caution! No one will bail you out from our cop-world jokes collection that will crack up your ribs.
1. The perfect crime was committed last night.
2. A police officer pulled me over and said, “Papers.”
3. What do you call a female police officer playing guitar?
4. Did you hear they arrested the Energizer bunny?
5. Why did the police officer smell so bad?
6. Officer: “I notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?”
7. A cop gives a woman a speeding ticket, and she wants to know why he didn’t give her a warning first.
8. Did you hear the celery got arrested?
9. What happens when a police officer goes to bed?
10. Cop: “Do you have any idea how fast you were going?”
11. Officer: “Do you know how fast you were going?”
12. An officer comes across a man who is clearly under the influence.
13. Why is a traffic cop the strongest man in the world?
14. Cop: “When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least.”
15. Did you hear about the two peanuts who walked through a bad neighborhood?
16. Officer: “Why did you park here?”
17. What do you call a clairvoyant who escaped from prison?
18. What do you call it when a prisoner takes his own mugshot?
19. Why did the sheriff lock up her boyfriend?
20. Why did they arrest the cap?
21. I got stopped last night by a police officer.
22. Officer: “Do you know why I pulled you over?”
23. Officer: “How high are you?”
24. What does a frog use to keep away burglars?
25. Why did the police arrest the turkey?
26. Judge: “I thought I said that I never wanted to see you in here again.”
27. Tourist: “Are you a policeman?”
28. I asked a rookie what he would do if he had to arrest his mother.
29. Police are usually shocked that I have a record.
30. Why did the thief wear blue gloves?
31. A police officer arrested a bottle of water because it was wanted in three different states.
32. Man: “Can I park here?”
33. There’s a man in the town who’s stealing the wheels of police cars.
34. An officer observes a woman standing in the middle of the street. He approaches her and asks, “Are you OK?” The woman replies,
35. What are riot police in Germany called?
36. Did you hear about the criminal who stole a lamp?
37. A woman was speeding down the road and was pulled over by a female police officer.
38. When caught speeding, an airman on leave tried to talk an officer out of giving him a ticket. He asked, “Would it make a difference if I told you I’m in the Air Force?”
39. A cop caught a graffiti artist spraying a police station in a thick font.
40. Why did the officer give the ghost a ticket?
41. The police are trying to say I assaulted a guy with a sheet of sandpaper.
42. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dishes. Dishes who?
43. A week after my wife went missing, the police told me I should expect the worst-case scenario.
44. Why are policemen such great volleyball players?
45. The police caught a person erasing people’s criminal records.
46. On what show do police officers solve crimes committed by garden gnomes?
47. Who’s the most famous lawn detective?
48. Why did the NYPD show up at the Mets game?
49. Cop to perp: “Did you kill this man?”
50. Cop: “Where do you think you’re going?”
51. Cop to perp: “Where do you live?”
52. One fire truck and 20 cops show up to a call. What happened?
53. I got a call from the police station saying they want to interview me.
54. Why did the cat get a ticket?
55. Who works in tandem with the grammar police?
56. What are the four food groups for cops?
57. What do you say when your friend wants to hear a really cool joke about the police from you?
58. An officer stops a man for speeding and notices he’s not wearing his required prescription glasses.
59. What is a police officer’s favorite type of tag?
60. Why did the coffee call 911?
61. How do cops greet people?
62. Why couldn’t police notify the family of the murdered baker?
63. A state trooper pulled a farmer over on a rural road and said, “Sir, do you realize your brother fell out of the car several miles back?”
64. Did the police officer arrest the old lady who shot someone for stepping on the part of the floor she had just mopped?
65. When the police pulled me over for speeding, I said to him, “What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?”
66. What do you say when a policeman or a state trooper does overtime?
67. Why did the police arrest the turkey down the road?
68. What is the kind of topping that a cop hates on his morning toast?
69. What do you call the police officer who specializes in computer-related crimes?
70. What happened when the officer pulled over the celebrity actor for drunk-driving?
71. Which cop is the strongest in the entire world?
72. Why had the officer looked forward to arresting the winner of the fastest hot dog eating competition?
73. Which is the only place in town that has 24/7 police protection from thieves and robbers?
74. What is the name of the cop who also hosts a TV news show every night?
75. What do you when a cop pulls you over to give you a ticket and asks you for papers?
76. Which team was the cop assigned to after he demonstrated his skills in catching flies?
77. Why were there so many police officers and detectives at the baseball game?
78. Who did the toy store owner call when all the real estate board games went missing from his shop?
79. Why did the policeman lock up his lover?
80. What did the optician say to the police when they arrested him for murder?
81. Why was the thief who was wearing blue gloves not caught by the police?
82. What is the name of the music band that cops listen to on the car radio?
83. What is the most favorite gardening show of the various police departments across the world?
84. Why did the police detectives set up offices all along the beach?
85. Why did so many police officers and just one fire truck show up when there was a fire at a shop?
86. Why was the sketch artist wrongly fired from his job by the police?
87. Why did the coffee call the police so early in the morning?
88. What do you call the special branch of police who checks whether everyone is well dressed or not?
89. What did the police assure the old lady who had lost her wig in the locality?
90. What is the most common way that one cop will greet another cop when they meet somewhere?
91. Why did the cop pull over the car, which had many weird paintings and drawings in different colors all across it?
92. Which is the only day in the calendar when an undercover cop is in his police uniform?
93. Why was the cop arrested on suspicion of cannibalism?
94. Which day of the week is the favorite day for the police all across the world?
95. Why do you call a cop that has learned how to fly?
96. When the police caught the low-powered robot driving around in the car, what did he say to the robot?
97. Why did the bicycle cops not stop the thieves from stealing gasoline from the pump?
98. Why did the police officer arrest the celery?
99. What happened when a rock band drummer decided to join the police academy?
100. What did the policeman say to his tummy?’
101. Why did the police arrest the doctor while he was checking a patient?
102. How were bugs allowed to be a part of the state troopers?
103. What do you name the sickness where someone falls ill just by seeing a cop car driving behind them?
104. What was the reason given when the space police arrested a star with no apparent cause?
105. What did the suspect say when the cop asked what he was doing between 5 and 6?
106. Why was the famous sculptor recruited to the police department?
107. Why do cows never get to be great police officers?
108. Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Police.
Police who?
109. Why did the hardcover book want to join the police department?
110. Knock, knock!
Who is there?
It is us.
Us who?
111. Why did the cat get fined by the police?
112. What sort of photo do you take at the police station?
113. Why did the peanut call the police?
114. Knock, knock!
Who is there?
It is me.
Me who?
115. What did the policeman say to the snowman?
116. What do you call a psychic on the run?
117. Who works with the grammar police?
118. What did the policeman say to his dinner?
119. What do you call a blonde policeman?
120. Why did the police arrest the turkey?
121. Why did the police raid the pet shop?
122. Why did the police arrest the fish and chips?
123. What’s got a screen, keys and can arrest you?
124. What kind of insects join the forces?
125. What do you call it when a policeman is watching cows?
126. Why did the policeman have a barbecue?
127. Why are policemen so musical?
128. Someone stole some dogs from a dog walker…The police have no leads!
129. What happens when you steal a vehicle?
130. Why did the police arrest the cheetah?
131. Police just arrested one person for stealing batteries, and another for stealing fireworks.
132. A toilet was stolen from the police station…
133. Why did the police arrest a group of crows?
134. Why was the artist upset?
135. Why did the police arrest the duvet?
136. A man was arrested yesterday for impersonating a helium balloon.
137. Police say that the man who fell into a combine harvester while trying to steal it…
138. Police attending an incident returned to their car to find all four wheels had been stolen
139. Cop: Whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do?
140. A man in a police interrogation room says, “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present.”
141. A cop pulled me over and asked me, “Where were you between 5 and 6?”
142. There’s a mysterious crime spree going on at our local IKEA.
143. A sketchy guy just came into my shop and bought six smoke machines, so I called the cops.
144. Officer: “I’m arresting you for downloading all of Wikipedia.”
145. Latest news: A hole has been found in the wall surrounding the local nudist colony.
146. I got pulled over by a traffic cop. He walked up to my window and said, “Papers.”
147. I called the cops about a murder on my front lawn…
148. A man filed a report to the police that his bag was stolen.
149. XBox and PlayStation are having a fight.
150. Latest news: weight loss pills were stolen this morning.
151. In my police interview, I answered, “No comment” to every question.
152. A guy got pulled over by a cop for speeding. The cop said, “Do you know how fast you were going, Sir?” The guy replied, “I was just trying to keep up with the traffic.” The cop said, “There is no traffic, Sir.”
153. Police have reported that a midget clairvoyant has escaped from prison.
154. Reports are coming in of a collision between a prison van and a concrete mixer.
155. At the murder scene the first cop says to his partner, “This seems racially motivated.” The second cop replies, “Hate crime?”
156. I went out dressed as a battery and my friend went out dressed as a firework.
We got arrested by the cops.
157. Thieves broke into a warehouse and stole 5,000 bars of soap.
158. A cop arrives at the scene of an accident, in which a car has smashed into a tree. He rushes over to the car and asks the driver, “Are you badly hurt?”
159. Latest news: man found dead in a vat of falafel condiment.
160. Cops have arrested a man dressed in a brown paper suit,
161. I went to the police and told them my credit card had been stolen six months earlier.
They asked me why I hadn’t reported it earlier.
162. Why do riot police like to get to work early?
163. Blunt pencils stolen.
164. I yelled, “Shotgun” long before anyone else, but I still had to sit in the backseat.
165. A turtle was walking down the street when he was attacked by a gang of snails.
166. There was a knock at my door earlier. When I opened the door a cop was stood there. “Mr Jones?”, he asked. “Yes,” I replied. “I’m afraid your dog’s just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.”
167. If I was a cop I would be ticketing people for not using their turn signals…
168. The other week the cops arrived on the scene to find me upside down in my car.
169. Sword swallower found dead.
170. A policeman accidentally arrested a judge who had dressed as a convict for a costume party.
171. A group of teenagers cruised past my neighbor’s house and pelted it with rotten tomatoes.
172. Suspected fake dentist arrested.
