180 Best Jokes and Puns about Shoes

Wondering how you can lace your conversation with laughter to boot out any competition? Worry not: you are at the right place. With our shoe puns, you are assured to keep it respectful, yet humorous, and avoid being suede.

Best Jokes and Puns about Shoes

Whether you are a shoe freak or not, looking for a pun to race with, try our shoe joke and puns collections. Just don’t stumble on the answer.

1. What is made of leather, a foot long, and sounds like a sneeze?

A shoe

 

2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wooden shoe. Wooden shoe who?

Wouldn’t shoe like to know!

 

3. What did the chewing gum say to the shoe?

I’m stuck on you!

 

4. When we were kids, my brothers and I would race to put our shoes on every morning.

It always ended in a tie.

 

5. A guest who checked into an inn one night was warned to be quiet because the guest in the room next to his was a light sleeper. As he undressed for bed, he dropped one shoe, which, sure enough, awakened the other guest. He managed to get the other shoe off in silence, and got into bed. An hour later, he heard a pounding on the wall and a shout:

“When are you going to drop the other shoe?” Thus the term “waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

 

6. A friend’s spot burst when he went to the pharmacist.

“Puss in Boots”

 

7. What did they say about the couple who had the same shoe size?

That they were sole mates

 

8. I saw a man holding a boot to each ear.

He was listening to sole music

 

9. Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. 

That way, when I do criticize him, I’m a mile away and I have his shoes!

 

10. The worst thing about millipedes playing football is how long it takes them to?

Put their boots on.

 

11. What sort of shoes should you wear whilst directing a frog?

Open toad shoes

 

12. Was going to start a car football league but it didn’t work;

they all only had one boot.

 

13. Why should you wear good shoes in a fight?

You’ll never see de feet.

 

14. Went to a car boot sale.

No idea why, I’ve already got a car boot.

 

15. What type of shoes does bully hate?

A goody two shoes.

 

16. What did the doctor say to the patient who broke their foot for the second time?

I’ll reboot you

 

17. Why don’t you ever see a grizzly in socks and shoes?

Because they have bear feet

 

18. Not sure how an over-inflated ego can make your feet sore, 

but when I saw the Doctor he told me I was too big for my boots.

 

19. I took a test on shoes.

Totally laced it!

 

20. My wife said I should get high heels for her birthday.

I’m getting some weird looks as I walk down the street.

 

21. What sort of shoes does bread wear?

Loafers

 

22. Why do women wear high heels?

It keeps them on their toes

 

23. Which animal sleeps with its shoes on?

 

24. The police chief asked, “Do you have any leads or suspects for the murder case?” The officer responded, “I’d like to interview the bartender wearing high heels and a leopard print dress.”

The chief frowned and said, “please, just wear your police uniform.”

 

25. What do you call a Frenchman in sandals?

Philippe Philippe

 

26. This is my wife’s first time in heels.

She’s reached new heights

 

27. Had an interview for a job as a blacksmith once.

I was asked if I had ever shoed a horse. I said no, but I’d told a donkey to go away once.

 

28. I went to a drag race last Saturday.

I still can’t believe the guy in high heels won.

 

29. What do you call two banana peels?

A pair of slippers

 

30. My girlfriend was walking through the city with stilettos on when a part of one gave out.

She said, “what the heel!”

 

31. Think the local police horse has a dodgy shoe.

It’s going good clop, bad clop.

 

32. What do you tell a dog in pumps?

To heel

 

33. Who asked if it was better for a shoe to be or not to be?

Sockspeare

 

34. What do you call a stoned wrestler?

A high Heel.

 

35. Our local shoe factory burned down last night!

Thankfully there were no soles lost.

 

36. What heels outrun all the others?

Forest Pumps

 

37. I went to the School of Shoe Menders’ 50th-anniversary dinner.

What a load of old cobblers

 

38. I’m a man who likes to drive with high heels on.

I call it drag racing

 

39. Friend of mine is an expert in making clown shoes.

It’s no small feat

 

40. What do you call a dinosaur with high heels?

My-feet-are-saurus

 

41. How come Winnie-the-Pooh doesn’t wear shoes?

Because he has bear feet

 

42. What kind of shoes does a spy wear?

Sneakers.

 

43. How come all shoemakers go to heaven?

Because they have good soles

 

44. What kind of shoes do mice wear?

Squeakers.

 

45. How does the rain tie its shoelaces?

With a rainbow

 

46. Which footwear don’t plumbers like?

Clogs

 

47. What shoes does a British apartment wear?

Flats!

 

48. What has a tongue, six eyes and a sole?

A shoe.

 

49. Why is it bad to work in a shoe recycling center?

It’s sole destroying

50. Which are Captain Hook’s least favorite shoes?

Crocs

 

51. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Tyre. Tyre who?

Tyre shoe or else you’ll trip

 

52. A butcher is 6 feet tall and wears size 10 shoes. What does he weigh?

Meat.

 

53. I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer

I dunno what he laced them with but I’ve been tripping all day.

 

54. Why did Santa Claus’s shoes break?

Because he had so many missile toes.

 

55. What did the hat say to the shoe?

I’ll go on ahead, you go an afoot

 

56. Why was the leather shoe so stubborn?

Because it couldn’t be suede.

 

57. Who is the most famous footwear philosopher?

Sockrates

 

58. What happened when the teacher tied all the children’s shoelaces together?

They went on a class trip.

 

59. Why shouldn’t you buy Velcro shoes?

They’re a rip-off

 

60. Why was the shoe late for class?

Because he was tied up.

 

61. Why do shoes always come in pairs?

They’re sole mates

 

62. What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?

Every day you’ll rise and shine.

 

63. Son: “Daddy, can you put my shoes on?”

Father: “I can try, but I don’t think they’ll fit me.”

 

64. Did you know Gandhi didn’t wear shoes and often fasted? Walking barefoot all the time hardened his feet, but hunger weakened his body and made his breath smell terrible.

You could say he was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis.

 

65. What kind of jokes do shoelaces tell?

Knot knot jokes

 

66. The shoemaker gave his apprentice everything he needed.

He gave him his awl.

 

67. What kind of shoes does Captain Hook hate?

Crocks

 

68. I used to buy my shoes in bulk,

but now I just buy them by the foot.

 

69. How do shoes talk?

They converse

 

70. I want to buy platform shoes, but I can’t afford them.

I’m still a little short.

 

71. What kind of shoes do Geese wear?

Duck Martens

 

72. I need to get new shoes,

one of these isn’t right.

 

73. What sort of shoes do artists wear?

Sketchers

 

74. Do you know what Imams shoes are made from?

They are custom-made from allah gaiter skin.

 

75. Which letter has its own brand of shoes?

A D does

 

76. There are many ways of making history in this world.

For instance, you can decide to walk around wearing a sandal on one foot. This is a feet only a few can match.

 

77. What type of shoes does Voldemort wear?

Horcrocs

 

78. Sole full guys have,

shoes on their menu.

 

79. Where does the chicken shop for their shoes?

Reebokbok

 

80. Everybody was convinced he was a cleft-toe maniac.

He went around stealing flip flops.

 

81. How do you make trainers out of trees?

Wooden shoe like to know!

 

82. Here is a little-known fact about Halloween. It started in Holland simply as a day when people plugged the dikes using shoes.

For this reason, there is an annual celebration known as the soles of the damned.

 

83. What does a trainer say when it sneezes?

A shoe

 

84. Ever since I stepped on the gum by the side of the road,

I haven’t stopped sole searching.

 

85. A racehorse walks into a bar with his staff, but the bartender said,

“You can’t come in here with those trainers.”

 

86. One of the unimaginable and greatest feet is?

Trying to fit into size 19 shoes and you are size 30.

 

87. What kind of shoes do mice wear?

Sneakers

 

88. The governor, visibly angry at the looting spree by some marauding gangs,

he gave a shoe to kill order.

 

89. What shoes do ninjas wear?

Sneakers

 

90. Everyone attending the crusade put their best foot forward because the preacher said,

he would heel the masses.

 

91. Right from the first day, no one doubted their affection for each other.

They were real sole mates.

 

92. What do you call a dinosaur that wears boots and a cowboy hat?

Tyrannosaurus Tex

 

93. Thieves are careful on how they dress, especially the shoes they wear. 

Their favorite shoes are the sneakers.

 

94. A man goes to a petrol station to fill up his car. The first pump doesn’t work, the second pump doesn’t work and the third pump doesn’t work, so he goes inside and asks the woman attendant if she has her pumps on. 

“No,” she says, “I’m wearing my Ugg boots today.

 

95. In the world of social media, every joke that you post travels thousands of miles.

They certainly have legs.

 

96. A friend couldn’t tie his shoelaces,

so I’ve sent him to boot camp

 

97. If you have been looking for a pun to run with,

try shoe puns.

 

98. I’ve invented a boot made entirely out of Lego.

When you stand on it, it doesn’t hurt, you just get a little taller.

 

99. There are lots of things being done at boot camps these days. 

Even people unable to tie their shoelaces go there.

100. Unless you really want to live the Asian culture,

ordering for shoe-shi may be a farfetched ambition.

 

101. Not every shoe is designed for

heely terrains.

 

102. A shoe repairer is like God. He can heel you.

He can save your sole. And he can even dye for you.

 

103. Were it not for your small feet,

I would walk a mile in your shoes.

 

104. I could not imagine that immediately after high school,

he decided to run the shoe store.

 

105. At their wedding, the officiator emphasized that the couple should borrow a leaf from shoes.

Though not related, they make a perfect pair.

 

106. What do you call an Italian shoemaker?

Roberto…

 

107. When he started his shoe business,

he was still heeling from his broken relationship.

 

108. What kind of shoes do spaceships wear?

High heels!

 

109. For some reason, spies love wearing sneakers.

They help them move swiftly and unnoticed.

 

110. Wanna hear about an impossible feet?

Trying to fit into a size 6 shoe when you’re a size 10!

 

111. If you are the choir conductor directing a frog chorale,

you better be wearing open-toad shoes.

 

112. Jokes on social media can travel thousands of miles in an instant.

You could say that they have ‘legs’ of their own!

 

113. The shoemaker finally wedded his sole mate.

Together they had run their shoe repair shop for slightly under a decade.

 

114. If a postal worker is 6 foot tall, and wears size 10 shoes, what does he weigh?

Packages!

 

115. One day, a racehorse and its entourage made their way into a bar. Immediately, he sighted them, the barman rose and said, “You cannot come in with those trainers.”

Packages!

 

116. Why did they call the cops on the guy wearing flip-flops?

They thought he was a clef-toe-maniac

 

117. Sockspeare was so philosophical and never straightforward.

He is the one who asked whether it was better for a shoe to be or not to be.

 

118. What is the most sole crushing job in the world?

The guy destroying old shoes at the city dump.

 

119. Of all famous philosophers,

Sockrates was the only one with unique footwear.

 

120. What are the greatest feet known to man?

Trying to fit into a size 3 shoe.

 

121. What did the gravestone say for the buried shoe?

May your sole rest in peace.

 

122. How do you know God is a shoe repairman?

He spends all his time saving the soles of the people.

 

123. What is that inside your shoe?

Oh, that’s just my foot!

 

124. Why did the guy who couldn’t dance only buy his shoes from the clearance bin?

It was the only place he could buy two matching left shoes.

 

125. What is everyone’s shoe if they were the same size?

Two feet

 

126. What was the reason the robot went inside the shoe shop?

He needed to get rebooted!

 

127. Why are shoe puns so much better than any other type of joke?

They let you run with them

 

128. Why did the little brother wear a shoe on his head?

He wanted to be a foot taller like his brother!

 

129. What did one shoe say to the pretty shoe?

Shoe la la.

 

130. What were the last words of the shoe that weren’t lost?

I am the last sole survivor!

 

131. Why do shoes avoid tents?

Because they don’t want to go to boot camp!

 

132. What did the shoe say to the talkative shoe?

Don’t make me put a sock in it, buddy!

 

133. How do you find out if a shoe is an athletic shoe?

It does not matter, you just gotta run with it.

 

134. What type of shoes do ghosts like to wear?

They like the booooooots.

 

135. Why was the employee upset with the gift he got from his boss?

The gift they gave him was the boot!

 

136. What foot is impossible to find a shoe for?

A square foot!

 

137. I got fired from the shoe factory, but they were nice enough to leave me with a parting gift.

They gave me the boot.

 

138. I found a wooden shoe in my toilet the other day.

It was clogged.

 

139. I didn’t think orthopedic shoes would help me

But I stand corrected.

 

140. My son told me he had a hole in his shoe today.

I said yes son, that’s where you put your foot in.

 

141. What did the shoes say to the pants?

Sup britches!!

 

142. When I put my shoes on earlier I suddenly felt very ill and drowsy and the room started spinning.

I think they might have been laced with something.

 

143. My brother told me he only buys shoes that are completely white

I can’t believe I’m related to a white shoepremacist.

 

144. What do you call expensive shoes?

Cashews

 

145. A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them in the office and they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon’s activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Confused, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home. “Where have you been?” demanded his wife when he entered the house. “Darling,” replied the man, “I can’t lie to you. I’ve been having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed and didn’t wake up until eight o’clock.”

The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, “You liar! You’ve been playing golf!”

 

146. A blonde and an alligator. A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of real alligator shoes in the worst way, but she didn’t want to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle” attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, “Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!”

The shopkeeper said, “By all means, be my guest. Maybe you’ll luck out and catch yourself a big one!” Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement.

Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, “Darn, this one isn’t wearing any shoes either!”

 

147. Me: Your shoes are on the wrong feet.

4yo:

Me:

4yo:

Me:

4yo: I don’t have any other feet.

Me: Fair enough.

 

148. New shoes

A young sexy woman went to the mall with her husband and spotted a pair of designer pumps in the window of an upscale shoe store and began staring, imagining how sexy she’d look wearing them…

The husband looked over and saw her and interrupted, “No chance love, they’re way too expensive! There’s nothing wrong with the shoes you’re wearing. Now, let’s get going…” Later that night, while the couple was in bed, under the sheets, with the lights out and the woman almost asleep, her husband placed his hands on her hips and edged closer, hoping to end his day with a little somethin’-somethin’…

She immediately turned towards him and interrupted, “No chance love, if you’re not willing to shoe the horse then you’re not riding it either!”

 

149. I’ve just spent the last 20 minutes talking to someone about size 15 Chuck Taylor shoes.

It was a lengthy Converse-ation

150. My body is a temple

If you take your shoes off, you can come inside

 

151. The ring leader hired the best safe cracker for their bank job…

In criminal circles he was known to crack any safe and the police never caught him. When the day of the heist came, they entered the bank, secured the building, corralled the hostages in the bank manager’s office and the safecracker proceeded to the locked vault. After a few quick inspections, the safe cracker sat down, pulled off his shoes and socks, and started manipulating the combination dial with his toes.

“Why are you wasting time like this?,” the ring leader asked.

The safecracker replied, “I’ll have it open in a jiffy. This only takes me 5 extra seconds, but it really confuses the guys in the fingerprint lab.”

 

152. “For sale. Baby Shoes. Never Worn.”

Any Reputable Baby Shoe Salesman

 

153. So, a young lady, who lived a sheltered life, is getting married… Perturbed, she says to her mum, “Mum, I have never even been with a man. What do I do on the wedding night?”

The mum, not wanting to get into the messy details, says, “My angel, I know you’ll figure it out. But, just in case, I’ll stay downstairs and clean up after the party, while you go upstairs. iI you are confused… just come ask me what to do. OK?”

 

154. So… the wedding night comes, and the lady takes her man up the stairs. Once in the bedroom, they both start to undress.

She removes her wedding dress...

He removes his jacket and shirt…

She removes her underdress, and is now in just her undies…

He removes his shoes and socks… and then she sees it. He is missing his big AND little toe on his left foot. So, panicking, she screams and runs to her mum…“MUM!…” She says in a panic. “he’s ONLY got a foot and a half!”

The mum quickly replies, “HOLY HELL… erm… ok… you clean up down here while I go get him instead.”

 

155. An ant, a spider and a centipede are throwing a party…

The ant realizes that they are running low on beer. He offers to head out to buy some more beers. The centipede says, “No, let me do it. You’d take too long. I have a lot more legs than you – I can do it faster!” The bugs agree.

10 minutes pass… Then 20 minutes, then 30, then more. The spider asks, “What’s taking him so long?” The ant decides to head out to investigate. He opens the front door and sees the centipede outside. The ant asks, “Hey man, what’s taking you so long?” The centipede replies, “I’m still putting on my shoes.”

 

156. A young Arab boy asks his father “What is that strange hat you are wearing?”

The father said: “Why, my son, it is a ‘chechia.’ In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.”

“And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?” asked the boy.

“Oh, my son!” exclaimed the father “It is very simple. This is a ‘djbellah.’ As I have told you, in the desert it is not only very hot, but the sand is always blowing. My djbellah protects the entire body.”

The son then asked: “But Father, what about those ugly shoes you have on your feet?”

“These are ‘babouches’ my son,” the father replied. You must understand that although the desert sands are very beautiful, they are also extremely hot. These babouches keep us from burning our feet.”

“So tell me then,” added the boy. “Yes, my son…”“Why are we living in Birmingham and still wearing all this shit?

 

157. I bought my niece some fancy new graphite shoes, 

but she won’t wear them because she’s trying to decrease her carbon footprint.

 

158. A married woman comes home early and finds her husband

having ferocious sex with a young attractive woman in their marital bed. She immediately says:

“You bastard, you son of a bitch, I’m calling my lawyer and divorcing you this minute, after all The love and devotion I have given you all these years, this is how you repay me?!!”

The husband then replies: “can you at least let me explain?”

Wife says:”explain??? go ahead, though this is inexcusable”

Husband says: “I was on my way to work, then I saw this young lady in the street with almost no clothes, barefoot and basically homeless. She begged me for anything so I gave her shelter in our home. Remember those shoes that I bought you that you threw away because one of your friends already had it?

Well, I gave them to her and she loved them, and remember those clothes I gave you for your birthday that you threw away because you said they made you look fat?? well I gave them to her and she loved them, also the steak that I cooked for you yesterday that you refused because you were all of a sudden vegan, well she ate it all…Then just before she was heading out she asked me: “is there anything else your wife doesn’t want”?

 

159. Why do rappers always buy small shoes?

Cause they all have lil ft.

 

160. There was a shoe salesman sitting in his store……when a beautiful woman came in. He looks at her and can’t stop staring. While helping her try on a pair of shoes he glances up her skirt to find she isn’t wearing any panties. He started thinking and something slipped out. The man said “I’d like to fill your pussy with ice cream and lick it all out!”

Hearing this the woman runs out to tell her husband. She says “Honey, this shoe salesman said he’d like to fill my pussy up with ice cream and lick it all out!” The husband replied, “Dear, anyone that can eat that much ice cream, I ain’t playing with!”

 

161. The guy who invented velcro shoes thought to himself

‘Why knot?’

 

162. I told my friend that he had his shoes on the wrong feet.

He said, “These are the only feet I have, genius.”

 

163. How can you tell when an engineer is extroverted?

When he talks to you, he stares at \*your\* shoes

 

164. A good case for shoes. What’s the difference between a linen store, and a nudist with diarrhea?

One has fitted sheets…

 

165. A man wakes up in a hospital ward with the doctor looking over him…

“I’m afraid I have some bad news and some good news” the doctor told him

“What’s the bad news?” asked the man

“Well, you’ve been in a terrible accident and we’ve had to amputate both of your legs” replied the doc.”Oh no…. so what’s the good news then?” “The man in the next bed wants to buy your shoes…!”

 

166. I got so mad at these uncomfortable wooden shoes that I tried to flush them down the toilet.

Worst clog ever.

 

167. James Caan shared this one in his famous Twitter fashion

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes. End of tweet

 

168. My wife suggested we watch some porn to spice things up. I put on “Crazy Anal Chicks vol. 4”

But it was just a bunch of women yelling at me to do the dishes, put my shoes on the entranceway mat, and hang the towels on the rack

 

169. Why don’t people eat shoes?

Because they’ve been laced

 

170. A guy goes to a Halloween party in just his jeans

No shoes or shirt, nothing but jeans. He’s making his rounds and enjoying some drinks and then comes up to him and asks, “So what are you supposed to be?” The guy responds, “I’m a premature ejaculation.” The host pauses for a second really staring at this guy’s costume and finally says, “I don’t get it. I don’t understand what you’re trying to do here.” The guy responds with, “Well, I just came in my pants.”

 

171. I can tell just by the shoes a woman wears if I’m going to get her or not. 

If she’s wearing 3″ heels or higher, I’m definitely going to get her. If she’s wearing nice comfy running shoes, I’m probably not going to be able to catch her.

 

172. Bought a pair of boat shoes

They don’t float for shit. I fell right in.

 

173. Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop.

The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago. “Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?” Arnold asked. “Not very likely,” his wife said.<br>”It’s worth a try,” Arnold said, pocketing the ticket.

He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store. With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter. With a face just as straight, the man said, “Just a minute. I’ll have to look for these.” He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop. Two minutes later, the man called out, “Here they are!”

“No kidding?” Arnold called back. “That’s terrific! Who would have thought they’d still be here after all this time.” The man came back to the counter, empty-handed. “They’ll be ready Thursday,” he said calmly.

 

174. A 10-year-old protestant boy and a 10-year-old catholic girl are standing on a river bank.

The girl says, “my mom will be really angry if my shoes get wet” And so they both agree to remove their shoes prior to entering the water.

They wade into the water and it starts getting deeper. The boy “says well my mom will hate me if I ruin my new pants” And so they remove their pants. Once they ensure that every item of clothes is out of harm’s way… they take a good look at each other.”Strange”, the girl says, “I didn’t think protestants and Catholics were THAT different!”

 

175. It baffles me why so many establishments are against 

shoes, shirts, and service.

 

176. Why should you wear good shoes in a fight?

You’ll never see de feet

 

177. What are German counterfeit Adidas shoes called?

They’re of course derdiedas. >!Cue in Americans not getting the joke!<

 

178. I’ve been taking care of my elderly grandfather and he asked me to come tie his shoes while he was on the toilet

I said, “you can’t be serious” He said, “I shit, you knot”

 

179. What did Optimus Prime say when Bumblebee said “Nice shoes!”

Thanks, they’re Vans.

 

180. Why did a Christian go to church without wearing shoes?

Because it has no soul

 

 

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