Wondering how you can lace your conversation with laughter to boot out any competition? Worry not: you are at the right place. With our shoe puns, you are assured to keep it respectful, yet humorous, and avoid being suede.
Best Jokes and Puns about Shoes
Whether you are a shoe freak or not, looking for a pun to race with, try our shoe joke and puns collections. Just don’t stumble on the answer.
1. What is made of leather, a foot long, and sounds like a sneeze?
2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wooden shoe. Wooden shoe who?
3. What did the chewing gum say to the shoe?
4. When we were kids, my brothers and I would race to put our shoes on every morning.
5. A guest who checked into an inn one night was warned to be quiet because the guest in the room next to his was a light sleeper. As he undressed for bed, he dropped one shoe, which, sure enough, awakened the other guest. He managed to get the other shoe off in silence, and got into bed. An hour later, he heard a pounding on the wall and a shout:
6. A friend’s spot burst when he went to the pharmacist.
7. What did they say about the couple who had the same shoe size?
8. I saw a man holding a boot to each ear.
9. Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes.
10. The worst thing about millipedes playing football is how long it takes them to?
11. What sort of shoes should you wear whilst directing a frog?
12. Was going to start a car football league but it didn’t work;
13. Why should you wear good shoes in a fight?
14. Went to a car boot sale.
15. What type of shoes does bully hate?
16. What did the doctor say to the patient who broke their foot for the second time?
17. Why don’t you ever see a grizzly in socks and shoes?
18. Not sure how an over-inflated ego can make your feet sore,
19. I took a test on shoes.
20. My wife said I should get high heels for her birthday.
21. What sort of shoes does bread wear?
22. Why do women wear high heels?
23. Which animal sleeps with its shoes on?
24. The police chief asked, “Do you have any leads or suspects for the murder case?” The officer responded, “I’d like to interview the bartender wearing high heels and a leopard print dress.”
25. What do you call a Frenchman in sandals?
26. This is my wife’s first time in heels.
27. Had an interview for a job as a blacksmith once.
28. I went to a drag race last Saturday.
29. What do you call two banana peels?
30. My girlfriend was walking through the city with stilettos on when a part of one gave out.
31. Think the local police horse has a dodgy shoe.
32. What do you tell a dog in pumps?
33. Who asked if it was better for a shoe to be or not to be?
34. What do you call a stoned wrestler?
35. Our local shoe factory burned down last night!
36. What heels outrun all the others?
37. I went to the School of Shoe Menders’ 50th-anniversary dinner.
38. I’m a man who likes to drive with high heels on.
39. Friend of mine is an expert in making clown shoes.
40. What do you call a dinosaur with high heels?
41. How come Winnie-the-Pooh doesn’t wear shoes?
42. What kind of shoes does a spy wear?
43. How come all shoemakers go to heaven?
44. What kind of shoes do mice wear?
45. How does the rain tie its shoelaces?
46. Which footwear don’t plumbers like?
47. What shoes does a British apartment wear?
48. What has a tongue, six eyes and a sole?
49. Why is it bad to work in a shoe recycling center?
50. Which are Captain Hook’s least favorite shoes?
51. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Tyre. Tyre who?
52. A butcher is 6 feet tall and wears size 10 shoes. What does he weigh?
53. I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer.
54. Why did Santa Claus’s shoes break?
55. What did the hat say to the shoe?
56. Why was the leather shoe so stubborn?
57. Who is the most famous footwear philosopher?
58. What happened when the teacher tied all the children’s shoelaces together?
59. Why shouldn’t you buy Velcro shoes?
60. Why was the shoe late for class?
61. Why do shoes always come in pairs?
62. What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
63. Son: “Daddy, can you put my shoes on?”
64. Did you know Gandhi didn’t wear shoes and often fasted? Walking barefoot all the time hardened his feet, but hunger weakened his body and made his breath smell terrible.
65. What kind of jokes do shoelaces tell?
66. The shoemaker gave his apprentice everything he needed.
67. What kind of shoes does Captain Hook hate?
68. I used to buy my shoes in bulk,
69. How do shoes talk?
70. I want to buy platform shoes, but I can’t afford them.
71. What kind of shoes do Geese wear?
72. I need to get new shoes,
73. What sort of shoes do artists wear?
74. Do you know what Imams shoes are made from?
75. Which letter has its own brand of shoes?
76. There are many ways of making history in this world.
77. What type of shoes does Voldemort wear?
78. Sole full guys have,
79. Where does the chicken shop for their shoes?
80. Everybody was convinced he was a cleft-toe maniac.
81. How do you make trainers out of trees?
82. Here is a little-known fact about Halloween. It started in Holland simply as a day when people plugged the dikes using shoes.
83. What does a trainer say when it sneezes?
84. Ever since I stepped on the gum by the side of the road,
85. A racehorse walks into a bar with his staff, but the bartender said,
86. One of the unimaginable and greatest feet is?
87. What kind of shoes do mice wear?
88. The governor, visibly angry at the looting spree by some marauding gangs,
89. What shoes do ninjas wear?
90. Everyone attending the crusade put their best foot forward because the preacher said,
91. Right from the first day, no one doubted their affection for each other.
92. What do you call a dinosaur that wears boots and a cowboy hat?
93. Thieves are careful on how they dress, especially the shoes they wear.
94. A man goes to a petrol station to fill up his car. The first pump doesn’t work, the second pump doesn’t work and the third pump doesn’t work, so he goes inside and asks the woman attendant if she has her pumps on.
95. In the world of social media, every joke that you post travels thousands of miles.
96. A friend couldn’t tie his shoelaces,
97. If you have been looking for a pun to run with,
98. I’ve invented a boot made entirely out of Lego.
99. There are lots of things being done at boot camps these days.
100. Unless you really want to live the Asian culture,
101. Not every shoe is designed for
102. A shoe repairer is like God. He can heel you.
103. Were it not for your small feet,
104. I could not imagine that immediately after high school,
105. At their wedding, the officiator emphasized that the couple should borrow a leaf from shoes.
106. What do you call an Italian shoemaker?
107. When he started his shoe business,
108. What kind of shoes do spaceships wear?
109. For some reason, spies love wearing sneakers.
110. Wanna hear about an impossible feet?
111. If you are the choir conductor directing a frog chorale,
112. Jokes on social media can travel thousands of miles in an instant.
113. The shoemaker finally wedded his sole mate.
114. If a postal worker is 6 foot tall, and wears size 10 shoes, what does he weigh?
115. One day, a racehorse and its entourage made their way into a bar. Immediately, he sighted them, the barman rose and said, “You cannot come in with those trainers.”
116. Why did they call the cops on the guy wearing flip-flops?
117. Sockspeare was so philosophical and never straightforward.
118. What is the most sole crushing job in the world?
119. Of all famous philosophers,
120. What are the greatest feet known to man?
121. What did the gravestone say for the buried shoe?
122. How do you know God is a shoe repairman?
123. What is that inside your shoe?
124. Why did the guy who couldn’t dance only buy his shoes from the clearance bin?
125. What is everyone’s shoe if they were the same size?
126. What was the reason the robot went inside the shoe shop?
127. Why are shoe puns so much better than any other type of joke?
128. Why did the little brother wear a shoe on his head?
129. What did one shoe say to the pretty shoe?
130. What were the last words of the shoe that weren’t lost?
131. Why do shoes avoid tents?
132. What did the shoe say to the talkative shoe?
133. How do you find out if a shoe is an athletic shoe?
134. What type of shoes do ghosts like to wear?
135. Why was the employee upset with the gift he got from his boss?
136. What foot is impossible to find a shoe for?
137. I got fired from the shoe factory, but they were nice enough to leave me with a parting gift.
138. I found a wooden shoe in my toilet the other day.
139. I didn’t think orthopedic shoes would help me
140. My son told me he had a hole in his shoe today.
141. What did the shoes say to the pants?
142. When I put my shoes on earlier I suddenly felt very ill and drowsy and the room started spinning.
143. My brother told me he only buys shoes that are completely white
144. What do you call expensive shoes?
145. A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them in the office and they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon’s activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Confused, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home. “Where have you been?” demanded his wife when he entered the house. “Darling,” replied the man, “I can’t lie to you. I’ve been having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed and didn’t wake up until eight o’clock.”
146. A blonde and an alligator. A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of real alligator shoes in the worst way, but she didn’t want to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle” attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, “Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!”
The shopkeeper said, “By all means, be my guest. Maybe you’ll luck out and catch yourself a big one!” Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement.
147. Me: Your shoes are on the wrong feet.
4yo:
Me:
4yo:
Me:
4yo: I don’t have any other feet.
148. New shoes
A young sexy woman went to the mall with her husband and spotted a pair of designer pumps in the window of an upscale shoe store and began staring, imagining how sexy she’d look wearing them…
The husband looked over and saw her and interrupted, “No chance love, they’re way too expensive! There’s nothing wrong with the shoes you’re wearing. Now, let’s get going…” Later that night, while the couple was in bed, under the sheets, with the lights out and the woman almost asleep, her husband placed his hands on her hips and edged closer, hoping to end his day with a little somethin’-somethin’…
149. I’ve just spent the last 20 minutes talking to someone about size 15 Chuck Taylor shoes.
150. My body is a temple
151. The ring leader hired the best safe cracker for their bank job…
In criminal circles he was known to crack any safe and the police never caught him. When the day of the heist came, they entered the bank, secured the building, corralled the hostages in the bank manager’s office and the safecracker proceeded to the locked vault. After a few quick inspections, the safe cracker sat down, pulled off his shoes and socks, and started manipulating the combination dial with his toes.
“Why are you wasting time like this?,” the ring leader asked.
152. “For sale. Baby Shoes. Never Worn.”
153. So, a young lady, who lived a sheltered life, is getting married… Perturbed, she says to her mum, “Mum, I have never even been with a man. What do I do on the wedding night?”
154. So… the wedding night comes, and the lady takes her man up the stairs. Once in the bedroom, they both start to undress.
She removes her wedding dress...
He removes his jacket and shirt…
She removes her underdress, and is now in just her undies…
He removes his shoes and socks… and then she sees it. He is missing his big AND little toe on his left foot. So, panicking, she screams and runs to her mum…“MUM!…” She says in a panic. “he’s ONLY got a foot and a half!”
155. An ant, a spider and a centipede are throwing a party…
The ant realizes that they are running low on beer. He offers to head out to buy some more beers. The centipede says, “No, let me do it. You’d take too long. I have a lot more legs than you – I can do it faster!” The bugs agree.
156. A young Arab boy asks his father “What is that strange hat you are wearing?”
The father said: “Why, my son, it is a ‘chechia.’ In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.”
“And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?” asked the boy.
“Oh, my son!” exclaimed the father “It is very simple. This is a ‘djbellah.’ As I have told you, in the desert it is not only very hot, but the sand is always blowing. My djbellah protects the entire body.”
The son then asked: “But Father, what about those ugly shoes you have on your feet?”
“These are ‘babouches’ my son,” the father replied. You must understand that although the desert sands are very beautiful, they are also extremely hot. These babouches keep us from burning our feet.”
157. I bought my niece some fancy new graphite shoes,
158. A married woman comes home early and finds her husband
having ferocious sex with a young attractive woman in their marital bed. She immediately says:
“You bastard, you son of a bitch, I’m calling my lawyer and divorcing you this minute, after all The love and devotion I have given you all these years, this is how you repay me?!!”
The husband then replies: “can you at least let me explain?”
Wife says:”explain??? go ahead, though this is inexcusable”
Husband says: “I was on my way to work, then I saw this young lady in the street with almost no clothes, barefoot and basically homeless. She begged me for anything so I gave her shelter in our home. Remember those shoes that I bought you that you threw away because one of your friends already had it?
159. Why do rappers always buy small shoes?
160. There was a shoe salesman sitting in his store……when a beautiful woman came in. He looks at her and can’t stop staring. While helping her try on a pair of shoes he glances up her skirt to find she isn’t wearing any panties. He started thinking and something slipped out. The man said “I’d like to fill your pussy with ice cream and lick it all out!”
161. The guy who invented velcro shoes thought to himself
162. I told my friend that he had his shoes on the wrong feet.
163. How can you tell when an engineer is extroverted?
164. A good case for shoes. What’s the difference between a linen store, and a nudist with diarrhea?
165. A man wakes up in a hospital ward with the doctor looking over him…
“I’m afraid I have some bad news and some good news” the doctor told him
“What’s the bad news?” asked the man
166. I got so mad at these uncomfortable wooden shoes that I tried to flush them down the toilet.
167. James Caan shared this one in his famous Twitter fashion
168. My wife suggested we watch some porn to spice things up. I put on “Crazy Anal Chicks vol. 4”
169. Why don’t people eat shoes?
170. A guy goes to a Halloween party in just his jeans
171. I can tell just by the shoes a woman wears if I’m going to get her or not.
172. Bought a pair of boat shoes
173. Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop.
The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago. “Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?” Arnold asked. “Not very likely,” his wife said.<br>”It’s worth a try,” Arnold said, pocketing the ticket.
He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store. With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter. With a face just as straight, the man said, “Just a minute. I’ll have to look for these.” He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop. Two minutes later, the man called out, “Here they are!”
174. A 10-year-old protestant boy and a 10-year-old catholic girl are standing on a river bank.
The girl says, “my mom will be really angry if my shoes get wet” And so they both agree to remove their shoes prior to entering the water.
175. It baffles me why so many establishments are against
176. Why should you wear good shoes in a fight?
177. What are German counterfeit Adidas shoes called?
178. I’ve been taking care of my elderly grandfather and he asked me to come tie his shoes while he was on the toilet
179. What did Optimus Prime say when Bumblebee said “Nice shoes!”
180. Why did a Christian go to church without wearing shoes?