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180 Funniest Jokes in the World

Funniest Jokes in the World

The funniest jokes in the world could never go out of style. If your sense of humor tends to lean to the goofy side of things, don’t be ashamed. After all, funny topics make conversations better and more memorable.

We all love a good crowd-pleaser. Get to entertain your family and friends with hilarious jokes. Teachers too can use these jokes in the classroom setting to cheer up students in between tough subjects like physics or even maths e.t.c.

Funniest Jokes in the World in 2023

You might feel too mature for knock-knock jokes or silly puns in your teens or early twenties, but not in your 30s or when with kids. This kind of humor turns out to be hilarious again, and you feel the need to share them with your loved ones.

From the funniest jokes for adults to the smartest hard to crack jokes, we have something fun for everyone. Make sure you check out our list of winter jokes to keep you entertained during the cold season.

Let’s explore the following fun and hilarious funniest jokes in the world.

 

1. I said to the Gym instructor, “Can you teach me to do the splits?”

He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”

 

2. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. How did it go?

They charged one – and let the other one off.

 

3. I’m on a whiskey diet. What have I lost?

I’ve lost three days already.

 

4. What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

Same middle name

 

5. I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn’t actually mine. Guess what?

I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.

 

6. What is the opposite of a croissant?

A happy uncle

 

7. A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, ‘You should’ve been here at 8.30!’ Guess his reply?

He replies. ‘Why? What happened at 8.30?’

 

8. My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We’ll see about that.

 

9. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?

Pilgrims

 

10. China has a population of a billion people. What does that imply?

That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.

 

11. Which branch of the military accepts toddlers?

The infantry

 

12. Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins?

You just have to listen varicosely.

 

13. A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. What does the barman say?

“Is this some kind of joke?”

 

14. Though I enjoy the sport, I could never date a tennis player. Do you know why?

Love means nothing to them.

 

15. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. Why was this happening?

Because he can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

 

16. I have a joke about time travel, but I’m not gonna share it.

You guys didn’t like it

 

17. I was in Tesco’s and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, “Are you two an item?”

 

18. What’s the opposite of irony?

Wrinkly

 

19. I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

 

20. I was kidnapped by mimes once.

They did unspeakable things to me.

 

21. Got a PS5 for my little brother.

Best trade I’ve ever done!

 

22. What do the movies Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common?

Icy dead people.

 

23. I finally decided to sell my vacuum cleaner.

All it was doing was gathering dust!

 

24. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

 

25. When you die, what part of the body dies last?

The pupils…they dilate.

 

26. I invented a new word!

Plagiarism!

 

27. A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb.

He just can’t part with it.

 

28. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?

He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

 

29. You know there’s no official training for trash collectors?

They just pick things up as they go along.

 

30. Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?”

Because every play has a cast. Here are some dark jokes to check out if you have a morbid sense of humor.

 

31. I’m thinking of a career where I estimate crowd sizes at different outdoor events.

I wonder how many people are in that field.

 

32. Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar.

“Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.”

 

33. What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills?

Bernadette

 

34. Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.

I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”

 

35. Knock! Knock! Who’s there?

Control Freak. Con…OK, now you say, “Control Freak who?”

 

36. Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?

He was dead-lifting

 

37. I saw Usain Bolt sprinting around the track shouting, “Why did the chicken cross the road!?”

It was a running joke.

 

38. Heard about the new restaurant called Karma?

There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.

 

39. Where does the General keep his armies?

In his sleeves.

 

40. A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”

“Don’t worry,” said the doc. “Those are just contractions.”

 

41. How does a squid go into battle?

Well-armed

 

42. A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey and … cola.” “Why the big pause?” asks the bartender.

The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure; I was born with them.”

 

43. Where do you find a cow with no legs?

Right where you left it.

 

44. Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?

He was just going through a stage.

 

45. A bear walks into a restaurant. He tells his waiter, “I want a grilled…cheese.” The waiter says, “What’s with the pause?”

“Whaddya mean?” the bear replies. “I’m a bear!”

 

46. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

He just needed a little space.

 

47. What’s E.T. short for?

Because he’s got little legs.

 

48. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?

Because they make up everything.

 

49. What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?

Phillipe Phillope

50. Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.

When you criticize them, you’ll be a mile away, and you’ll have their shoes.

 

51. Why did the chicken go to the séance?

To get to the other side.

 

52. Two men meet on opposite sides of a river. One shouts to the other, “I need you to help me get to the other side!”

The other guy replies, “You’re on the other side!”

 

53. Where are average things manufactured? The satisfactory.

The satisfactory.

 

54. What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

 

55. How do you drown a hipster?

Throw him in the mainstream.

 

56. What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened?

Close the door, I’m dressing.

 

57. What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

 

58. “I stand corrected!” Says who?

Said the man in the orthopedic shoes.

 

59. What does a nosy pepper do?

Gets jalapeño business!

 

60. What did the left eye say to the right eye?

Between you and me, something smells.

 

61. How does Moses make tea?

He brews.

 

62. Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?

They always take things literally.

 

63. Why is England the wettest country?

Because the queen has reigned there for decades.

 

64. How do you keep a bagel from getting away?

Put lox on it.

 

65. What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bale.

 

66. What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats.

 

67. A guy goes to a pet store to buy a goldfish. The salesman asks him, “Do you want an aquarium?”

The guy responds, “I don’t care what star sign it is!”

 

68. Why don’t Calculus majors throw house parties?

Because you should never drink and derive.

 

69. What do you call bears with no ears?

B–

 

70. What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backward?

A receding hare-line.

 

71. What’s a foot long and slippery?

A slipper

 

72. What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?

The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.

 

73. Exaggerations have become an epidemic.

They went up by a million percent last year.

 

74. What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?

A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

 

75. And God said to John, “Come forth and you shall be granted eternal life.”

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

 

76. Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?

It’s two gross.

 

77. I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did.

Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

 

78. What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller?

“Curses! Foil again!”

 

79. What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

Make me one with everything.

 

80. What’s the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A golfer goes *whack* “darn” and a skydiver goes “darn” *whack.*

 

81. They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian.

Well, they’re not laughing now!

 

82. What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

 

83. Two cows are grazing in a field.

One cow says to the other, “You ever worry about that mad cow disease?”

 

84. How do you make a tissue dance?

Put a little boogie in it.

 

85. I told my physical therapist that I broke my arm in two places.

He told me to stop going to those places.

 

86. What did the 0 say to the 8?

Nice belt!

 

87. What did the swordfish say to the marlin?

You’re looking sharp.

 

88. What do you call a pony with a cough?

A little horse.

 

89. How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.

 

90. What did one hat say to the other?

You wait here.

 

91. Will glass coffins be a success?

Remains to be seen.

 

92. I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger.

Then it hit me

 

93. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?”

The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

 

94. What do you call a magic dog?

A labracadabrador.

 

95. What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?

This tastes a little funny.

 

96. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

He’s all right now.

 

97. What’s orange and sounds like a carrot?

A parrot.

 

98. What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind?

A maybe

 

99. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the “P” is silent.

100. Is it ignorance or apathy that’s destroying the world today?

I don’t know, and I don’t really care.

 

101. What do you call the wife of a hippie?

 

102. What do you call a woman with one leg?

Eileen

 

103.  Where does Batman go to the bathroom?

The batroom

 

104. What do dentists call their x-rays?

Tooth pics!

 

105. Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?

It had great food, but no atmosphere

 

106. Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?

Because he lost his filling.

 

107. What did one ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing, it just waved

 

108. What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

 

109. Do you want to hear a construction joke?

Sorry, I’m still working on it.

 

110. Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players?

They dribble all the time.

 

111. Did you hear about the fire at the circus?

It was in tents!

 

112. What breed of dog can jump higher than buildings?

Any dog, because buildings can’t jump.

 

113. How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?

Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.

 

114. Why should you never trust stairs?

They’re always up to something.

 

115. When does a joke become a ‘dad’ joke?

When it becomes apparent.

 

116. What kind of shorts do clouds wear?

Thunderpants

 

117. Why did the M&M go to school?

It wanted to be a Smartie.

 

118. How do you measure a snake?

In inches—they don’t have feet.

 

119. Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they use honeycombs.

 

120. Where does a waitress with only one leg work?

IHOP

 

121. How does a rabbi make his coffee?

Hebrews it.

 

122. What does a house wear?

Address!

 

123. I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.

I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

 

124. You heard the rumor going around about butter?

Never mind, I shouldn’t spread it.

 

125. The first rule of the Alzheimer’s club is?

Wait, where are we again?

 

126. I poured root beer in a square glass.

Now I just have beer.

 

127. How does NASA organize a party?

They planet

 

128. Why aren’t koalas actual bears?

They don’t meet the koalafications.

 

129. How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh?

Ten tickles

 

130. Rest in peace to boiling water.

You will be mist.

 

131. Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends?

Well, honestly, he’s a real pain in the neck.

 

132. What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce?

A chicken sees a salad.

 

133. What gets wetter the more it dries?

A towel

 

134. Why did the nurse need a red pen at work?

In case she needed to draw blood.

 

135. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?

There was nothing left but de Brie.

 

136. The numbers 19 and 20 got into a fight.

21

 

137. Where should you go in the room if you’re feeling cold?

The corner—they’re usually 90 degrees.

 

138. Why did it get so hot in the baseball stadium after the game?

All of the fans left.

 

139. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire.

 

140. What do you call a train carrying bubblegum?

A chew-chew train.

 

141. Do you know why you never see elephants hiding up in trees?

Because they’re really good at it.

 

142. Why did the math textbook visit the guidance counselor?

It needed help figuring out its problems.

 

143. As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field.

But hay, it’s in my jeans.

 

144. Why can’t male ants sink?

They’re buoy-ant.

 

145. Want to hear a construction joke?

Oh never mind, I’m still working on that one.

 

146. Talk is cheap?

Have you ever talked to a lawyer?

 

147. Two artists had an art contest.

It ended in a draw!

 

148. I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage.

I lost my case.

 

149. I have a fear of speed bumps.

But I am slowly getting over it.

150. What did one traffic light say to the other?

Stop looking! I’m changing!

 

151. Why was six afraid of seven?

Because seven ate nine

 

152. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?

A stick!

 

153. Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?

Of course! The Empire State Building can’t jump.

 

154. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?

Envelope.

 

155. What did the duck say when it bought some lipstick?

“Put it on my bill.”

 

156. Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay?

Because then they’d be bagels.

 

157. What do you call malware on a Kindle?

A bookworm.

 

158. Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized?

The doctors say it was due to too many strokes.

 

159. I started a new job as a tailor last week.

It’s been sew-sew.

 

160. What kind of shoes does a spy wear?

Sneakers

 

161. Why doesn’t the sun go to college?

Because it has a million degrees!

 

162. My wife accused me the other day of being too immature.

I told her there were no girls allowed in my fort.

 

163. Why are skeletons so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin.

 

164. Someone stole my mood ring yesterday.

I still don’t know how I feel about that.

 

165. Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?

Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.

 

166. Why did the giraffe get such bad grades?

He always had his head stuck in the clouds.

 

167. Why is England the wettest country?

Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there.

 

168. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there.

Because he had no body to go with.

 

169. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It’s okay. He woke up.

 

170. What are shark’s two most favorite words?

Man overboard!

 

171. What do you call a religious person who sleepwalks?

A roamin’ Catholic.

 

172. Can February march?

No, but April may.

 

173. What washes up on very small beaches?

Micro-waves

 

174. Where does the sheep get his hair cut?

The baa baa shop!

 

175. What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I’m coming down with something.

 

176. Why are ghosts such bad liars?

Because they are easy to see through.

 

177. What do you call a belt with a watch on it?

A waist of time.

 

178. Why did the tomato turn red?

It saw the salad dressing.

 

179. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?

It let out a little wine.

 

180. Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?

Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

 

 

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