200+ Best Horse Jokes and Puns

The majestic horses are renowned for their loyalty, intelligence, courageousness, and symbol of strength. It is for these reasons and many others that ranchers keep horses in their homes.  But did you know these social friends can also be hysterical?

We have compiled a haylarious list of horse puns; pony puns, horse one-liners, polo puns, and stable puns just for you. If you are a true animal joke freak, these horse puns will be your new favorite!

Best Horse Jokes and Puns

We guarantee our horse jokes will be your mane-stays in your joke bucket. Are you ready to bray with laughter that will get you neighing and whinnying as you cringe? Be careful not to laugh so hard as you may end up hoarse. 

Let’s jump into a pool of horse puns and jokes!

1. My horse is extremely spontaneous as he always does things

at the very spur of the moment!


2. I had a half-horse friend who always had to be at 

the centaur of attention.


3. The only American Football team that every horse supports is?


4. The arrested horse was released by the police because 

it de-neigh-ed everything.


5. The bad horse didn’t want to answer any question that was asked to him, 

so he kept on stalling!


6. Horses are extremely fond of playing indoor games.

They usually spend their leisure time playing stable tennis!


7. Jockeys are often considered to be clouds as they hold the reins!

They usually spend their leisure time playing stable tennis!


8. The white horse decided to run away from his own wedding.

He probably got colt feet!


9. A couple of horses decided to form a band called ‘The Foals’.

They have quite a colt following!


10. Princess Elsa never really feared any horses.

Probably because the colt never bothered her anyway.


11. When the little horse stayed up late at night, his father shouted at him,

“Little foal go to bed as it is pasture bedtime”.


12. One of the most difficult jobs is to talk with a racehorse.

They hardly stand furlong!


13. My brother woke up late and was running late for work,

so I told him to hoof it!


14. The pony was a good journalist

as he always brought news straight from the horse’s mouth!


15. I saw my brother riding uncomfortably on a tall horse.

I told him to get off his high horse!


16. If a horse is asked to cast his vote for the Senate of the horses,

it usually had the option of a hay or a neigh!


17. The little pony didn’t win the singing competition

as he was a little hoarse!


18. My brother applied as an assistant stable caretaker. 

The farm really needs a co-pile-it!


19. The stallion was an avid adventurer and has visited many places across the world.

He surely is a globe-trotter!


20. If your horses get possessed by demons,

only consult an ex-horse-ist!


21. My neighbor has a horse who always neighs loudly at night.

She’s a night-mare to live with!


22. I was riding my horse whose ropes were painted with every color.

I named it rein-bow.


23. The horse owner was always seen standing behind his horse. 

To get a kick out of it should be the most appropriate reason.


24. We had a government-employed doctor in our area who was half horse and half man.

He was from the centaur for disease control.


25. The fanciest horse which never takes part in a race is:

A clotheshorse!


26. What did the mare tell her filly after dinner?

“Don’t forget to clear the stable!”


27. I once got in a bit of trouble and decided to ask my horse for advice.

“My friend told me not to because horses are a couple of neigh sayers.


28. What did the horse say when it fell?

“I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”


29. Horses are exceptional lawyers as they

always capture the attention to de-tail!


30. Why should you never be rude to a jump jockey?

In case he takes offence.


31. The only horse which will never lose a bet is?



32. Where do horses go when they’re sick?

The horsepital


33. A lion decided to become a horse.

So decided to name himself Stal-lion!


34. Why did the boy stand behind the horse?

He thought he might get a kick out of it!


35. The newly married horses were looking for a place to stay.

They finally went to a hotel and booked the bridle suit!


36. What’s the difference between a horse and the weather?

One is reined up and the other rains down.


37. The man who owned the riding school was in dire straits

as his business always kept falling down!


38. A horse walks into a bar, and the barman confuses idioms with jokes.

So he offers him a glass of water, but can’t make him drink.


39. A horse that has a negative attitude in life can always be seen saying



40. Which side of a horse has more hair?

The outside


41. Before an important race, the champion horse prefers eating bread.

His favorite is the thoroughbred!


42. How did the cowboy ride into town on Friday, stay for three days, and ride out on Friday?

His horse’s name was Friday!


43. A horse walked into a restaurant, and before he could order,

the waiter said, “Hey”, so the horse replied, “Yes, please”.


44. Why are most horses in shape?

Because they are on a stable diet.


45. What did the Italian horse say when he heard there was a speed between trot and gallop?

I canter believe it!


46. Did you hear about the horse with a negative attitude?

She always said, “Neigh.”


47. What’s another term for a horse haircut?



48. What do you call a noisy horse?

A herd animal


49. How do you greet the horse living next door?

Howdy, neigh-bour.

50. What sickness do horses hate the most?

Hay fever


51. Why do horses queue up so badly?

They’re always jockeying for position.


52. What do you call a horse wearing Venetian blinds?

A zebra


53. What did the mother horse say to the foal who stayed up too late?

“It’s pasture bedtime!”


54. What kind of bread does a horse eat?



55. Why don’t horses like being promoted?

They hate being saddled with extra responsibility.


56. What do you call a well-balanced horse?



57. How did the horse with the speech impediment feel after corrective surgery went wrong?

A bit filly


58. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?

A mechanic.


59. Why did the horses always miss the support acts at gigs?

They are only interested in the mane attraction.


60. What’s black and white and eats like a horse?

A zebra


61. Why did the foal go to the doctors?

He was a little hoarse.


62. A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says,

“Hey.” The horse says, “You read my mind!”


63. Why did the horse get an award?

It was out standing in its field.


64. How long should a racehorse’s legs be?

Long enough to reach the ground.


65. When does a horse get depressed by the weather?

When it reins


66. How does a cowboy get a stallion to do odd jobs around the ranch?

Pay him under the stable.


67. I bought a horse at the spur of the moment.

It was a bad decision, and now I am saddled with tons and tons of responsibilities!


68. Why do horses fart when they buck?

Because they can’t achieve full horse power without gas.


69. Why did the horse eat with its mouth open?

Because it had bad stable manners.


70. Our neighbor has a horse named Mayo, and well,

Mayo neighs a lot.


71. What type of computer does a horse like to eat?

A Macintosh.


72. I read a novel that had the story of a runaway horse.

It was such a bad tale of ‘whoa’.


73. Where do horses shop?

Old Neigh-vy.


74. Before the much-anticipated race, my jockey was very anxious.

So I told him not to be impatient and hold on to his horses!


75. Why did the horse cross the road?

Because somebody shouted hay!


76. Horses are extremely independent animals,

and they can talk whinney wants to!


77. What type of horses only go out at night?



78. During winter, my horse developed a sore throat.

So, I gave him a cough stirrup!


79. What do horses eat?


80. A horse in the jungle lost all his clothes and ran around to find some.

Whenever the other horses saw him, they pointed at him and shouted, “Neigh-kid! neigh-kid!”


81. What do you call a horse with money in the bank?

Financially stable!


82. During winter, my horse developed a sore throat.

So, I gave him a cough stirrup!


83. Why did the man stand behind the horse?

He was hoping to get a kick out of it!


84. Horses that participate in races have special diets.

They only eat fast foods!


85. Horses love rock music, and they adore the band Queen.

Their most favorite song is ‘Crazy Little Thing Colt Love’.


86. What does a horse buy from a bakery?



87. Jockeys communicate with their horses by 

laying all their cards on the stable!


88. What do you give a horse with a sore throat?

Cough stirrup!


89. The arrogant horse was picked on by the other animals of the farm

as they thought the horse would stirrup trouble any day.


90. What is the difference between a horse and a duck?

One goes quick and the other goes quack!


91. A Bronco went to a shop to buy a packet of juice,

but the manager kicked him out because he just had one buck.


92. What is a horse’s favorite TV show?



93. In the race, I bet my money on a Himalayan horse.

I just had this feeling that it was a good horse Tibetan.


94. When does a horse talk?

Whinney wants to!


95. My horse woke up screaming and crying in the dead of night.

She probably had a night-mare!


96. Why could the pony gallop really fast?

It had a strong horsepower engine!


97. The horse, while climbing a mountain, fell down and said to his friend,

“Help me please, I cannot giddyup”.


98. How do you calm down an impatient jockey?

Tell him to hold his horses!


99. The little horse was scolded by his teacher as

he always kept foaling around the class!

100. The anthem for horses is ‘Watch me whip… 

watch me neigh neigh’.


101. A horse won the horse racing competition at school and became quite popular overnight.

He was the new stud of the school.


102. Just before any thunder, horses see lightning colts!

He was the new stud of the school.


103. A horse was running towards a man at full speed

because it heard the man shout ‘Hey’.


104. My friend had a horse who was racing in the coming week.

He named it ‘Radish’ and asked us to root for it!


105. There was a joust,

but the horse missed it as he had the knight off!


106. A little horse borrowed some money from his big brother and couldn’t pay him back for quite a while.

So, one day his brother became impatient and told him, “pony up!”


107. At a game of poker, the horse kept on losing but won the game in the last round.

It was amazing how the stables turned in the end!


108. My horse is a bad dancer because,

well, it has two left feet.


109. The horse stalls at the racetrack were labeled F, E, D, B, and A.

I got confused, and when asked about it, they said it’s because no one had ever bet on a seahorse.


110. The teacher horse who specialized in teaching philosophy displayed a glass half-filled with water and asked his students, 

“Is the glass hood empty or hoof filled?”


111. One should never insult any jockey.

It’s because they always get angry and take of-fence.


112. The young horse was ambitious to join the top colleges of the country.

He wanted to join the neigh-vy league!


113. Horses only ever have one hospital where they can go to have babies.

It’s in Philly.


114. After visiting the bathroom,

the winged horse used the pegaflushes!


115. I finally scolded my horse a lot because it ate all of the bedding in its stable,

and it was the last straw.


116. Horses usually carry their lunches to work wrapped in

aluminum foal!


117. Horses are very bad at boxing as they just keep on,

hitting the hay!!


118. Horses only ever go to one place to cut and get their hair done.

They all go to Maine.


119. My neighbor has a horse that has explosive pace.

I guess we should name him Neigh-palm!


120. Horses are avid readers of books by J.K. Rowling.

Their favorite book is Harry Trotter and Hoofblood Prince.


121. Ponies are wonderful hosts as they have

amazing horse-pitality!


122. The only cheese that can completely disguise a small horse is?

A mascarpone!


123. Just before the race,

the young horse was extremely charged up as it ate a little bit of haywire!


124. The horse was shown the red card and asked to leave the field while playing soccer 

as he would foal very often!


125. The little mare got very sick,

so he had to be admitted to the horse-pital!


126. The amateur artist displayed a lot of horse paintings and drawings

as he was eager to mount an exhibit!


127. I recently bought a painting from a farmer who only draws pictures of horses and cows.

His name I heard is Oscar Moo-neigh.


128. In a race, a horse named ‘Black Beauty’ beat the odds to win the race.

Guess she was indeed the dark horse!


129. The horse had no friends

as he always bail-ed on everyone!


130. I read a novel that had the story of a runaway horse. 

It was such a bad tale of ‘whoa’.


131. The arrogant horse was picked on by the other animals of the farm

It was such a bad tale of ‘whoa’.


132. A couple of horses decided to form a band called ‘The Foals’. 

They have quite a colt following!


133. My brother woke up late and was running late for work,

so I told him to hoof it!


134. In a game of poker, the horse kept on losing but won the game in the last round. 

It was amazing how the stables turned out in the end!


135. I saw my brother riding uncomfortably on a tall horse.

I told him to get off his high horse!


136. A horse walked into a restaurant, and before he could order, the waiter said, 

“Hey”, so the horse replied, “Yes, please”.


137. Horses are very bad at boxing

as they just keep on hitting the hay!


138. We had a government-employed doctor in our area who was half horse and half man.

He was from the centaur for disease control.


139. I had this recurring dream that I had become a horse since last week. I had it tonight too. 

Now it’s six nights on the trot.


140. I once got in a bit of trouble and decided to ask my horse for advice.

My friend told me not to because horses are a couple of neigh sayers.


141. Horses love rock music, and they adore the band Queen. 

Their most favorite song is ‘Crazy Little Thing Colt Love’.


142. The young pony was wildly excited about being called up to the sports rally

as he thought it would be a big end-horse-ment!


143. After saving up his salary, the horse decided to buy the car he dreamt of. 

It was a Fjord Focus!


144. Just before the final race, one horse wanted to quit, 

so his friend asked him if it was an equest-ionable decision!


145. The only degree that a horse achieves after completing college is?

a pedegree!


146. Horses usually travel via inter-galloptic space

when traveling from one galaxy to another!


147. When the Jedi Knight was to embark on a long adventure, his horse wished him,

“May the horse be with you”.


148. The stylish horse’s hair always shines brightly in the sun

as he mane-tains it!


149. It was easy to understand why the horse went so lame early, 

he was out of the gait first.

150. As soon as the horse ate the entire room of hay,

he had a real baleful look about him.


151. Everyone loved the new stable boy 

because he was able to put all the horses on the carriages without a hitch.


152. The kids loved watching the parade of horses 

as they traveled down Mane Street.


153. The mother pony was always yelling at her two little ones

to stop horsing around.


154. She names her pony Storm,

because she could ride like lightning in any weather conditions.


155. When you hear some gossip from a horse you are basically listening to?

A neigh-sayer.


156. The younger horses must have a stable environment,

in order for them to grow big and strong.


157. The farmhand had to get rid of his horse,

because it did nothing but cause him a lot of woe.


158. A horse was fired as a weather reporter

because she could only say that the weather was stable each day.


159. Horses make great pets for kids

because they are very stable animals.


160. If you want to buy a thoroughbred horse,

you are going to have to pony up a lot of money.


161. A little pony wanted to sleep with his mother and father

because he was having terrible night-mares.


162. Everyone loves the horses of the farm

because of their incredible horsepitality.


163. Most horses will only eat their sandwiches

on thorough-bread.


164. The horse left the farm 

because he thought that the farmer was trying to harness his creativity.


165. When the horse walked into the hospital,

the doctor asked him why he had such a long face.


166. Did you know,

that a horse loves to eat Apple computers.


167. The horse was not popular with her friends anymore

because she mustang with the wrong crowd.


168. The fastest way to mail a little horse to your friend is by Pony Express.

because she mustang with the wrong crowd.


169. Vampires like to go to horse races,

and see the finish when it is neck and neck.


170. A racehorse will not wear underwear

because they said it rides up on them.


171. Cowboys ride horses,

because they are too heavy for them to carry.


172. Did you know that if you find a horseshoe it really means,

some poor pony is walking around in his socks.


173. If you want to really lead a horse to water,

you better have a lot of carrots.


174. In order to determine what animals the kids liked at the farm,

they had to take a gallop poll.


175. The only thing that you should put in the mouth of a quarter horse is?

Two bits.


176. One reason they had to keep the horse in his stable today was because he came down with a severe case of hay fever today.

Two bits.


177. When a horse accidentally swallowed a dollar bill,

it began to buck.


178. The most famous horse thieves of all time are?

Bonnie and Clydesdale.


179. Horse sense is the ability to?

Say nay.


180. The racehorse is considered to be the strongest animal,

because it can take hundreds of people for a ride at once.


181. The hardest thing about learning to ride a horse is?

the ground


182. The only thing as big as a horse but weighs absolutely nothing

is his shadow.


183. Newlywed horses are invited to stay,

in the bridle suite.


184. An egg and a young horse have one thing in common,

they can’t be used until they are broken.


185. That shy little horse went behind the tree

to change his jockeys.


186. It can be challenging to identify a horse from the back

because they are always switching their tails.


187. Do you have a sore throat?

because you sound a little bit hoarse today.


188. The reason that Teddy Roosevelt was mean to horses?

because he was considered a rough rider.


189. You’re such a stud.

You sure like to stirrup trouble.


190. You’re haylarious.

Stop horsing around.


191. How does the upbeat horse look at life?

As a glass hoof full.


192. Cud you go on a date with me?

Don’t be afraid to make a foal of yourself.


193. What did the horse say to end the argument?

Neigh, I disagree.


194. What did the horse ask his owner?

Did you ask me equestrian?


195. Get off your,

high horse.


196. Why did the horse cover his body?

It was neigh-kid.


197. I herd,

you wanted my number.


198. Why did the foal eat with its mouth open?

It didn’t have stable manners.


199. You’re my better?


200. What happens when a horse forgets its umbrella?

It gets wet.


201. How do you make a small fortune on horse racing?

Start with a large fortune.


202. A horse sits down in a movie theater, and the woman next to him asks, “Excuse me… are you a horse?”

“Why yes, I am,” replies the horse.

“What are you doing at this movie?”

The horse says, “I really liked the book.”


203. Three racehorses are staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record: “In the last 15 races, I’ve won eight of them!” Another horse breaks in: “Well, in the last 27 races, I’ve won 19!” “Oh, that’s good, but in the last 36 races, I’ve won 28!” says another.

At this point, the horses notice a greyhound who has been sitting there listening. “I don’t mean to boast,” says the greyhound, “but in my last 90 races, I’ve won 88 of them!” The horses are clearly amazed. “Wow!” says one, after a hushed silence. “A talking dog!”


204. Sam said to Fred, “I put £20 on a horse last week, and he came in at twenty-five to one.”

“Wow! you must be loaded,” said Fred.“Not really,” said George. “The rest of the field came in at twelve-thirty.”


205. Meet me at the hair saloon

I can’t help being a spur of the moment type of person.


206. Hold your horses,

why don’t you?


207. I’m so glad you’re:

My neigh-bor.



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