Behind the scary witches on ma- scare- a are their fascinating abilities, from flying on broomsticks to casting magic spells.
If you love reading wizard-like stories like the Harry Potter series, Salem, Merlin e.t.c., you definitely understand how the wizarding world works. With vivid descriptions, it is easy for you to crack witch jokes.
Best Witch Jokes
And yes, we understand that brewing jokes to crack could be challenging, but we are here to step in. Witch your family and friends a happy Halloween by cracking jokes and spelling out subtle puns with aid from our collection.
With our top hilarious witch jokes and puns, you are assured to cast a spell of giggles.
1. How do you make a witch scratch?
2. Who turns the lights off on Halloween?
3. What do you call witches who live together?
4. What do you learn in witch school?
5. What do you call a nervous witch?
6. What did the angry witch do after sitting on her broomstick?
7. Why couldn’t the little witch read her spellbook?
8. What kind of jewelry do witches wear?
9. What do witches in Australia ride?
10. Why are witches good at farming?
11. What is a witch’s favorite TV show?
12. How do witches play loud music?
13. The problem with twin witches is?
14. What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
15. A witch with chickenpox is?
16. How do you find out if a witch is carrying a bomb?
17. Hey witches, it’s time to trick or?
18. Why did the witch put her broomstick inside the washing machine?
19. What do you call it when witches are optimistic about the future?
20. Witches love to go to the mountains because?
21. How did the witch tell her friends that she was pregnant?
22. Witches get sore joints because?
23. What happens to witches who break the school rules?
24. Witches can smell brew from far away because?
25. What did the witch say to her victim while she was waiting?
26. Witch way to the brew?
27. Who’s a witch’s favorite movie director?
28. What does the little witch use to bake her birthday cake?
29. How did the witch invite the wizard to take an evening ride on her broomstick?
30. Happy Halloween, witches!
31. What did one broomstick say to the other?
32. So thankful that
33. Why did the witch’s team lose the cricket game?
34. You’re the one that
35. What do witches’ cats like to have for breakfast?
36. You know it’s true – everything I brew,
37. The best place to search for information about witches is?
38. Why was the witch so excited to decorate her cauldron?
39. A witch tells the time by?
40. A keen sense of?
41. The witch lost her way because of?
42. Big girls don’t?
43. Who was the most famous witch detective?
44. Of curse
45. I’d say “witch me luck”,
46. What sign was posted in the witches’ parking lot?
47. Spells like
48. What is a witch’s favorite ride at the fair?
49. Tastes as good as?
50. Have you heard about the good weather witch?
51. What do you call a witch that lives in the desert?
52. Why do witches not wear a regular hat?
53. What is a witch’s favorite makeup?
54. What did the tired witch do?
55. What do witches put on their bagels?
56. What do a witch and a candle have in common?
57. What did the lost witch ask the wizard?
58. What do you call a fast broomstick?
59. Why did the hotel staff dress as witches for Halloween?
60. Why do witches only ride their broomsticks at night?
61. Why did the witch go to the doctor?
62. What do you call a witch who keeps crashing her brooms?
63. Why is it good to drink witch’s brew?
64. Why are black cats very good singers?
65. What dessert did the witch give her cat?
66. Why was the broom late?
67. Witches always fly on broomsticks because?
68. What do you call a witch’s spotless garage?
69. Witches don’t fart.
70. Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween?
71. Cats prefer wizards to witches because?
72. Why don’t wizards make their witches mad?
73. Witches buy pencil sharpeners to?
74. Why did the witch’s cat scratch her?
75. Witches love to travel because they’re filled with wand-erlusts.
76. Someone who does not become a witch until they’re old is a?
77. Witches always come first at
78. People are scared of witches because of?
79. Come witch me to the party.
80. Witches get so excited to decorate their cauldron because?
81. Witching upon a?
82. This is how you party when you’re
83. Who cast the spell of sleep on Dorothy?
84. Wanna hop on?
85. Knock knock!
– Who’s there?
86. Who made the yellow slick road slippery?
87. Knock Knock!
– Who’s there?
88. Who’s there?
– Witch who?
89. You know what they say,
90. I’ve found that dressing up like this has truly been an
91. Time to spell the beans,
92. Check out my
93. Let me make you an offer
95. Why did the warlock had so much trouble with math?
96. What do witches put on their hair?
97. Life’s a witch…
98. Flipping the s-witch this
99. What do you call the story of a poor witch that just became a millionaire?
100. Witch, please!
101. I’m a big fan of
102. A witch laughing her head off will go
103. No charm,
104. Witch doctors write their prescriptions
105. Brewty is….
106. What did the witch get her cat for entertainment?
107. Let nature….
108. How do old witches get good bargains?
109. What noise do witches’ cereals make?
110. Where does the witch’s frog sit?
111. Why couldn’t the mummy go to school with the witch?
112. What was the witch’s favorite subject in school?
113. Why did the witch take a nap?
114. What do witches get when their shoes are too tight?
115. What kind of medicine do witches use on their warts?
116. How did the witch get around when her broomstick broke?
117. What would you find on a haunted beach?
118. What do the fastest witches use to get around?
119. What do you call a witch who is pretty and friendly?
120. What game do witches play on Halloween?
121. What happened to the witch with an upside down nose?
122. What did the witch call the skeleton who didn’t work?
123. How do witches on broomsticks drink their tea?
124. What did the witch do when her broomstick broke?
125. What did one witch say to the other when she was offered a lift?
126. What does a witch get when she’s in a hotel?
127. Why did the witch keep turning into Mickey Mouse?
128. What do you call a witch with one leg?
129. Knock knock
130. What did one witch’s cat say to the other?
131. Knock, knock
132. Witch and …
133. A witch in time
134. Keep calm
135. Arts and witchcrafts.
136. That’s witch-ful..
137. Wanna hop on?
138. Witch witch
139. Why did three witches call in the plumber?
140. Keep witch
141. What did the doctor say to the witch in hospital?
142. What story do little witches like to hear at bedtime?
143. What do you call a witch that wins the lottery?
144. What’s the difference between a broomstick and a pumpkin?
145. Why do witches fly on brooms?
146. What happens to witches when it rains?
147. How do you make a witch float?
148. What do you get when you cross a witch’s cat with a canary?
149. How do witches on broomsticks drink their hot tea?
150. What is evil, ugly and bounces?
151. When is it bad luck to meet a witch’s cat?
152. What makes more noise than an angry witch?
153. Why did the witch wear green stockings?
154. Who was the most famous witch detective?
155. What did the witch’s daughter want for her birthday?
156. Who can go into a witch’s house without getting hurt?
157. What’s the first thing witches do in the morning?
158. What kind of tests do they give in witch school?
159. What do little witches do after school?
160. Why do witches only ride their brooms after dark?
161. What do monkey ghosts like to eat?
162. What did the teen witch say to her mother?
163. What hobby do witches do in their spare time?
164. What do you call a motorcycle that belongs to a witch?
165. Which of the witch’s friends was good at baseball?
166. What is a witch with poison ivy called?
167. What do you get if you cross a witch with a blizzard?
168. Why did the traveling witch throw up?
169. What do you call a witch who likes the beach but is scared of the water?
170. A small village is home to three witches.
171. What’s the difference between Daredevil and Scarlet Witch?
172. Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town…
After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel. The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager: ‘Go upto the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, I’m not wasting two of my girls on them. They won’t know the difference. The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business. As they are walking home the first man says “You know, I think my girl was dead”. “Dead?” says his friend, “Why do you say that?” Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time I was loving her.
173. A Christian, a Muslim, and a Witch all die and go to the afterlife.
A Christian, a Muslim, and a Witch of the Norse gods all die and go to the afterlife. They find that, waiting for them at the entrance to the afterlife is Anubis, waiting with a set of scales, with a feather on one side. Above Anubis is a sign, “You wait with your heart, if less than feather-wait, you may enter paradise.”
174. What happens when a witch breaks the sound barrier?
175. A witch was flying on her broom when she noticed that all the witches she passed were flying on vacuum cleaners.
176. What does the wicked witch of west say when cooking eggs and bacon?
177. Why does a witch not wear underwear on Halloween?
178. Maybe Jesus didn’t like your chocolate?
So aliens come to earth and they’re Sooo nice. There’s a huge televised event with all the world leaders in attendance. The Pope asks, “Do you know of Jesus Christ?” The aliens say, “Do we Ever? Awesome guy!! Swings by the planet every couple of years to say Hi!” The Pope exclaims, “Every couple of years?? What!!?? We’re still waiting for his second coming!” The alien replies, “Maybe he didn’t like your chocolate?”
The Pope is flabbergasted, “What does chocolate have to do with anything?” The alien says, “Well when he came the first time, we gave him a huge box of chocolates! Why? What did you guys give him?
179. Why are witches never sweaty?
180. What is the most prevalent STI wizards and witches get?
181. Adam meets a witch
The witch tells him: “Tell me I am pretty or you will be cursed”!
Adam: “Sorry, but I don’t find you attractive.”
Witch: “Take that back, or you most surely *will* be cursed!
Adam: “Nope. You’re hideous.”
182. So there’s this witch that owns a motel and she’ll give you a discount room if you consent to her experimenting on you…
183. What were the lion and the witch doing in the wardrobe?
184. Two elderly men
Got wasted drunk one evening and decided to go to a brothel.
The madam seeing how out of it both of them were decided to give them blow up dolls instead of real women.The next day the two old men met up again and started sharing their experiences of the previous night.
185. Why couldn’t the witch have babies?
186. It’s an old one but I think it’s funny.
So, in the summer, I go do some work. I was looking for a job and found house painting. A couple of days after my first day, we were going to paint a fairly big house. We did it with the 3 of us because then the job will be done quicker. One day, one of us fell down the ladder, 3 floors down, and died.. my co-worker said: “dang.. he had a wife and 2 kids.. I mean, now we gotta tell her”. I said “don’t you worry. I’ll go tell her”
187. Why do witches and wizards do well in English class?
188. Why can’t witches get pregnant
189. A witch finishes watching Monsters Inc...
And has an idea. Surely if children’s laughter is more powerful, then orphans crying for joy would make their tears MORE magical! So she teleports outside of a young orphan’s bedroom and slowly enters the room.
Inside, the young child in the bed stirs awake. “Who’s there?” He asks the figure. And smiling, the witch steps closer, announcing to the boy. “You can call me mommy. I’m adopting you!” And the boy IMMEDIATELY starts crying with joy!
190. What do you call a witch that only eats sand?
191. What does a witches car sound like?
192. Why do witch covens have extra bathrooms?
193. What do you call a witch from Texas?
194. What’s the difference between a magical girl’s comedy sketch and a female dog’s snappy comeback?
195. One day a bottle and a mirror were fighting of witch is worse to break.
196. King Arthur got cursed with a strange disease
… and only an old ugly witch can cure him. But the witch demanded a young handsome knight for husband, and Galahad took it for the team and married her. On the night of the wedding, the witch turned into a beautiful woman and offered Galahad the choice, she can be old and ugly during the day, and young and beautiful at night, or vice versa. Galahad told her that he respected her choice over her appearance and she can decide that.
197. What do you call a group of witches cooking simple recipes?
198. The madam tells her girls ‘ Just give those guys blow-up dolls.’
199. How many witch doctors does it take to change a lightbulb?
200. When a leaf and an emo fall from a tree witch one hits the ground first
201. What would you call a potion-brewing pig in the desert?
202. How many witches does it take to change a light bulb?
203. Mike Tyson once tried to fight the Blair Witch right here in Maryland
204. The worst part about the Salem witch trials.
205. How come witches fly solo?
206. If two witches buy two watches
207. I think my fuse box has a curse on it
208. The Four Witch Covens
There were once four powerful witch covens: the witches of the mountains, the deserts, the forests, and the seas. For a thousand years they made war with one another, casting curses and hexes and bringing all manner of malady to the land in their hatred for one another. One day, they decided the only solution was to convene for a meeting of all the covens, in which they would either strike a deal for peace, or end it all in violent bloodshed.
The sea witches arrived first, carried upon a tidal wave that bore them up and onto the coast, the waters crashing loudly as they struck the shoreline as if to announce their presence.
The mountain witches rode down the hillside upon magical stormclouds, thunder and lightning bursting from their steeds of vapor, a tumultuous blizzard ravaging the mountains in their wake.
209. How does Scarlett Witch relieve Vision’s sexual tension?
210. A witch was going through her recent order of newts…
211. Had an encounter with dyslexic witch..
212. The old king was suspicious of the young queen cheating on him.
So, with the help of a witch, he placed an invisible blade in the Queen’s Hoo-Haw. 3 days later, the King summoned all the men he suspected and ordered them to take of their pants. To the King’s surprise, he found that all their penises had cuts in them from the blade, except for the minister’s penis.
213. What do you call a country that’s ruled by a lion, a witch and a wardrobe?
214. My friend told me that she wanted to marry a witch doctor
215. Did you hear about the witch that was casting spells and driving at the same time?
216. I have a Blair Witch fetish….
217. Joe’s cat.
218. You know Usain Bolt’s kids are called Thunder and Lightning, right? Well he had another child that got cursed by a witch.
219. Why did the witch from Hansel and Gretel always think she was sick?
220. An Evil Witch kidnaps some boys…
During a nightly raid of a local village, an evil witch makes away with a few young boys she will use for her potions (hocus pocus style) Upon arriving back at her witch den, she proceeds to cage up the terrified young boys, and begins brewing her evil potion according to her recipe.
221. Little man
A man walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, give me two shots. ” Bartender says, “You want them both now or one at a time? ” The guy says,” Oh, I want them both now. One’s for me and one’s for this little guy here,” and he pulls a tiny three-inch man out of his pocket. The bartender asks “He can drink? ” “Oh, sure. He can drink. ” So the bartender pours the shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up. “That’s amazing ” says the bartender. Can he walk?
222. A bard wants to be more powerful and so he strikes a deal with a witch
223. My Mother-in-law told me she was going to a Witch and Wizard hunt in Manchester
224. What do witches do in the bathroom?
225. All the witches be going to KFC tonight
226. Hermione’s son: Mum, you’re a witch!
227. All the nurses are dressing up as witches for Halloween!
228. What do you call a witch who can never decide between casting good or bad spells?
229. I sexually identify as a Witch Doctor…
230. We were having so much bad luck on our cul-de-sac that the HOA thought we had been cursed. They brought in a witch doctor and druid to scribe protective symbols and runes all over the road…
231. The Witches just came out.
232. Why did the witch have so many hickies?
233. What’s the difference between a witch and a warlock?