Best Coffee Jokes and Puns

245+ Best Coffee Jokes and Puns

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‘Everyone loves a good pun, but have you tasted the specific coffee pun from our brewery?’ Whether you are a coffee lover or not, our coffee jokes and puns collection will have you and your friends smiling all day long.

Best Coffee Jokes and Puns

From covering endless love and romance coffee puns to exploring emotions and expressions coffee puns, you are sure not to run out of one to use in different settings. Whether you’re trying to crack a joke, be cute, or just connect with someone, you can use a pun to bring out your sense of humor and brighten anyone’s day.

Without a doubt, our valuable coffee pot espresso full of barista jokes and puns, will give you a latte of laughs and make you cringe.

1. A factory worker died today after falling into a vat of coffee. Police say that although it came as a shock to all who knew him, they may take some relief from the fact he didn’t suffer.

It was instant.

 

2. Good days start with coffee

and you.

 

3. A guy walks into a cafe and orders a coffee to go.

The coffee gets up and leaves.

 

4. Great ideas start with?

great coffee

 

5. All I need is

coffee and lipstick.

 

6. Happiness is

a cup of coffee.

 

7. All you need is love and

a cup of coffee.

 

8. Hasta Barista,

baby.

 

9. He is so lazy he should have a sign that says 

insert coffee to begin.

 

10. A man walks into a coffee shop carrying a big chunk of asphalt under his arm. At the counter he says,

“I’ll take a large latte for myself, please, and one for the road.”

 

11. Hey barista, how much for a cup of coffee? says a customer. Two dollars, replies the barista, and refills are free.

Great! says the customer, Then I’ll have a refill!

 

12. A pair of jumper cables walk into a cafe. The barista sees them and says,

“I’m sorry but I’ll have to ask you to leave. I don’t want you starting anything here.”

 

13. How are coffee beans like kids?

They’re always getting grounded!

 

14. A tall blonde walks into Starbucks. The barista says,

“Hey, we have a drink named after you!”

 

15. How do men like coffee?

The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night.

 

16. A yawn is just a silent scream

for coffee.

 

17. How did Henry VIII like his coffee? 

Decap.

 

18. Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive companies.

It can make for a heated and strong debate.

 

19. How did the hipster burn his tongue?

He drank his coffee because he thought it was cool.

 

20. A real friend makes you a coffee when you need it.

And you need it all the time.

 

21. How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?

You channel surf faster without the remote

 

22. Bad coffee is better than 

good tea.

 

23. How do you make Pig Jerky?

Give them some coffee

 

24. Barista: How do you take your coffee?

Me: Very seriously.

 

25. How does a tech guy drink coffee?

He installs Java!

 

26. Bean me up, 

Scotty!

 

27. How does Moses make his coffee?

Hebrews it.

 

28. Before coffee I hate everybody.

After coffee, I feel good about hating everybody.

 

29. How does one bad cup of coffee end a marriage?

One person thinks it’s grounds for divorce.

 

30. Behind every successful person is a substantial

amount of coffee.

 

31. How does the serial killer like his coffee?

All ground up like his victims.

 

32. Better latte than

never

 

33. How is divorce like espresso?

It can be expensive and bitter.

 

34. Books, coffee, and you make me happy.

But first coffee!

 

35. I’m a coffeeholic on the road to recovery.

The road to the coffee shop.

 

36. Buy one coffee, get one free but does it have to be in that order?

I’m not a freddo the dark.

 

37. Chocolate makes me happy.

Coffee makes me human.

 

38. I’m about to have a dangerous cup of coffee.

Safe tea first, though.

 

39. Coffee and friends –

a perfect blend..

 

40. I’m sorry about what I said

before my coffee.

 

41. Coffee before

reality.

 

42. I believe in fairy tales. I drink a potion every day made from magic beans that stops me from going crazy –

it’s called coffee.

 

43. Coffee before 

talkie.

 

44. I don’t need an inspirational quote.

I need coffee.

 

45. Coffee doesn’t ask silly questions.

Coffee understands.

 

46. I drink so much coffee at work,

I consider it part of my daily grind.

 

47. Coffee is a cup of hope 

in a world of chaos.

 

48. I drink too much coffee –

said no one ever.

 

49. Coffee is always

a good idea.

50. I followed my heart and 

it led me to coffee.

 

51. Coffee is a drink that puts you to sleep

when not drunk.

 

52. I had a coffee pun but

affogato it.

 

53. Coffee is good but

coffees are better.

 

54. I have OCD.

Obsessive Coffee Disorder.

 

55. Coffee is a hug

in a mug.

 

56. I just got myself a top-of-the-range coffee maker.

It has a lot of perks.

 

57. Coffee is just not my

cup of tea.

 

58. I like my coffee black and strong

just like my man.

 

59. Coffee is liquid

optimism.

 

60. I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that

I might be awake.

 

61. Coffee is my

gasoline.

 

62. I’m angry and just need 

to Venti.

 

63. Coffee is

my love language..

 

64. I love you more than the first cup of coffee.

my love language..

 

65. Coffee is my favorite

co-worker.

 

66. I made a pot of coffee,

espresso-ly for you.

 

67. Coffee is my hot friend

I was telling you about.

 

68. I must get up my

coffee needs me.

 

69. Coffee is my

therapy.

 

70. I run on coffee and

sarcasm

 

71. Coffee is proof that God loves us and wants us to

pay attention.

 

72. I run on coffee, chaos, and

cuss words.

 

73. Coffee is the most important

meal of the day.

 

74. It’s coffee

o’clock.

 

75. Coffee is why you got out of 

bed today.

 

76. I tried brewing my coffee with Red Bull instead of water. 

I drank it and left my house to go to work. After 15 minutes I realized I forgot my car.

 

77. Coffee made me

do it.

 

78. I was making coffee today.

I pushed down on the plunger and a café in the next street blew up.

 

79. Coffee makes everything possible.

I pushed down on the plunger and a café in the next street blew up.

 

80. I will start working when my

coffee does.

 

81. Coffee, where have you

bean all my life?

 

82. If the local coffee shop has awarded you Employee of the Month and you don’t even work there,

you may be drinking too much coffee.

 

83. Coffee smells like freshly

ground heaven.

 

84. If you sit down to enjoy a hot cup of coffee,

chances are your boss will ask you to do something that will last until your coffee is cold.

 

85. COVID was a year where we were all grounded

not just coffee

 

86. If you can’t drink hot coffee on a hot day you are weak

and will never survive the apocalypse.

 

87. Don’t wake up grumpy in the morning.

Just make him some coffee.

 

88. If you can’t remember my name just say coffee and

I’ll turn around.

 

89. Drink coffee.

Do stupid things faster and with more energy.

 

90. In coffee we

trust.

 

91. Drink coffee and do stuff.

Death before decaf!

 

92. Is there life before

coffee?

 

93. Drinking too much espresso may cause

a latte problems.

 

94. It all makes sense

after coffee.

 

95. Espresso is

my philosophy.

 

96. It’s always

coffee.

 

97. Every morning, I see this exhausted woman who looks like she would murder someone for a cup of coffee.

I really should move that mirror.

 

98. It’s Monday

but coffee can handle it.

 

99. Everything gets better

after coffee.

100. Keep calm

and drink coffee..

 

101. Give me coffee

and no one gets hurt.

 

102. Last night I dreamt about drinking coffee.

Today I’m drinking coffee. Follow your dream!

 

103. Life is too short for

bad coffee.

 

104. Latte espresso

our feelings for each other.

 

105. Life without coffee

is scary.

 

106. Life begins

after coffee

 

107. Love is in the air and it

smells like coffee.

 

108. Life happens

coffee helps

 

109. Make something good every day –

coffee!

 

110. Life is short –

enjoy your coffee.

 

111. May your coffee be strong

and your Monday be short.

 

112. The pain you feel today is a symptom that 

you are not getting enough coffee.

 

113. May your coffee kick in

before reality does.

 

114. There are two types of people in this world:

Coffee people and sad people.

 

115. Maybe my coffee is addicted to me.

Ever think of that?

 

116. There is always time for

coffee.

 

117. More espresso

less depresso.

 

118. Today’s forecast. 

100% coffee.

 

119. May the coffee be 

with you.

 

120. Today’s good mood is sponsored by?

Coffee

 

121. My blood type is?

Coffee

 

122. Today I choose joy.

I had a cup of coffee.

 

123. My coffee is?

My power

 

124. True friends give you

coffee.

 

125. My home runs on love, laughter,

and a good strong cup of coffee.

 

126. Wake up and smell the coffee

and then drink it.

 

127. New word: Procaffeinating (n).

– the tendency to not start anything until you’ve had your coffee.

 

128. Ways to my heart:

Make me coffee, Buy me coffee, Be coffee.

 

129. Honey, this coffee tastes like dirt.

That’s not surprising, dear, it was just ground this morning.

 

130. What currency can we use to buy coffee in space?

Starbucks

 

131. Please don’t explain the benefits of green tea

until I’ve had my coffee.

 

132. What did the barista’s Valentine say?

I wanna espresso my love for you.

 

133. Rise up and attack the day with

coffee.

 

135. What did the barista say when she messed up an espresso?

What the puck!

 

136. Size matters.

Nobody wants a small cup of coffee.

 

137. What did the barista magician say when making coffee?

Arabica-dabra!

 

138. Sleep is a weak substitute for

coffee.

 

139. What did the surfer say when a friend made him a double espresso?

That’s doppio bro!

 

140. Someone stole my coffee cup from work today.

I’m just off down the police station now to look at a few mugshots.

 

141. What did Brazilian coffee say to Indonesian coffee?

What’s Sumatra with you?

 

142. Sometimes I like coffee

more than people.

 

143. What did the coffee addict name his cats?

Cream and Sugar.

 

144. Soup of the day

Coffee.

 

145. What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?

I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!

 

146. Stop and smell

the coffee.

 

147. What did the coffee lover name her son?

Joe

 

148. Stressed, blessed, and

coffee obsessed.

 

149. What did the coffees say before their night out?

Let’s stir up some trouble!

150. Tea is good but

coffee is better.

 

151. What did the cup of coffee say when she didn’t make it on time?

Sorry I’m latte.

 

152. The best day for drinking coffee is?

Any day

 

153. What did the Italian guy say when he was teased?

Don’t mocha me!

 

154. The best time to drink coffee is?

now.

 

155. What do beans say to their Valentines?

You keep me grounded.

 

156. The only thing better than being a barista is?

Being a dad.

 

157. What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?

They’re only good if they’re rich!

 

158. What goes best with a cup of coffee?

Another cup.

 

159. What do coffee lovers say to each other?

I’ve been thinking about you a latte.

 

160. What is better than smelling coffee?

Drinking coffee.

 

161. What do gossiping coffee pots do?

Spill the beans.

 

162. What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?

Sanka.

 

163. What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?

De-calf-inated!

 

164. What do you call a sad cup of coffee?

A depresso.

 

165. What kind of sugar does Lady Gaga use in her coffee?

Raw raw raw raw raw.

 

166. What do you call it when cafe customers joke about their coffee?

A brewhaha

 

167. What’s a barista’s favorite exercise at the gym?

The French Press.

 

168. What do you call it when you walk into a cafe you’re sure you’ve been to before?

Deja brew

 

169. What’s a useless cup of coffee called?

Decaffeinated

 

170. What do you call the first level of a coffee factory?

The ground floor

 

171. What’s fat, ugly, slimy, and drinks a lot of coffee?

Java the Hut!

 

172. Why are Italians so good at making coffee?

Because they know how to espresso themselves.

 

173. What’s it called when you steal someone’s coffee?

A mugging!

 

174. Why did the coffee file a police report?

Because it was mugged.

 

175. What is a barista’s favorite song?

Everything I brew, I brew it for you (apologies Bryan Adams)

 

176. Why did the espresso keep checking his watch?

Because he was pressed for time.

 

177. What’s the best Beatles song?

Latte Be!

 

178. Why do they call coffee mud?

Because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.

 

179. What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?

I asked for coffee.

 

180. Why should you be wary of 5-cent espresso?

It’s a cheap shot.

 

181. What’s the technical name for a pot of coffee at work?

Break fluid

 

182. Why shouldn’t you discuss coffee in polite company?

It can make for a strong and heated debate.

 

183. What’s a barista’s favorite morning mantra?

Rise and grind!

 

184. Words cannot espresso how much you

bean to me.

 

185. What’s a coffee’s favorite karaoke song?

Hit Me With Your Best Shot!

 

186. You can’t buy happiness 

but you can buy coffee – and that’s pretty close.

 

187. What’s its favorite Bob Marley song?

‘Don’t Worry, Be Frappy’.

 

188. You know you’re drinking too much coffee

when instant coffee takes too long to make.

 

189. When life gives you lemons,

make a Café del Tiempo.

 

190. When life gives you lemons,

make an espresso romano.

 

191. You know you’re drinking too much coffee,

when people get dizzy just watching you.

 

192. When life gives you lemons,

give them back and tell them you want coffee.

 

193. You know you’re drinking too much coffee

when you can jump-start your car without cables.

 

194. When life gets tough,

drink coffee.

 

195. You know you’re drinking too much coffee

when Starbucks has the mortgage on your house.

 

196. What’s the opposite of coffee?

sneezy

 

197. You know you’re drinking too much coffee when the local coffee shop awards you

‘Employee of the Month’ but you don’t work there.

 

198. Where do birds go for coffee?

NESTcafe.

 

199. You know you’re drinking too much coffee when,

there is a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

200. Where there is coffee 

there is hope.

 

201. With enough coffee

nothing is impossible.

 

202. You know you’re drinking too much coffee

when you only watch DVDs on fast forward.

 

203. You know you’re drinking too much coffee 

when you percolate instead of sweat.

 

204. You know you’re drinking too much coffee

when you can take a picture of yourself from 20 feet away without the timer.

 

205. You know you’re drinking too much coffee

when you ski uphill.

 

206. You know you’re drinking too much coffee

when you chew on other people’s fingernails.

 

207. You know you’re drinking too much coffee

when you sleep with your eyes open.

 

208. You know you’re drinking too much coffee

when you get drunk so you can sober up with coffee.

 

209. You know you’re drinking too much coffee

when you soak your dentures in coffee overnight.

 

210. You know you’re drinking too much coffee

when you help your dog chase its tail.

 

211. You know you’re drinking too much coffee

when you walk 10 miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in.

 

212. You know you’re drinking too much coffee

when you lick your coffee mug clean.

 

213. You mocha me

very happy.

 

214. Soup of the day:

Coffee.

 

215. You know you’re drinking too much coffee

when YouTube videos at 2x playback speed seem slow..

 

216. There are two types of people in this world:

People who love Starbucks and liars.

 

217. How does a tech guy drink coffee?

He installs Java!

 

218. You know you’re drinking too much coffee when you want to be cremated,

so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee tin.

 

219. You’re a

brew-ti-ful cup of coffee.

 

220. What do coffee and Eric Clapton have in common?

Both are no good without cream!

 

221. Why did the Kangaroo stop drinking coffee?

He was too jumpy

 

222. “Excuse me while I kiss the chai.”

This Jimi Hendrix song is often misheard as “excuse me while I kiss this guy” – but what if it was about coffee instead?

 

223. What kind of coffee likes to race?

Instant from an espresso machine.

 

224. What do you call a hard-working coffee pot?

A grinder

 

225. Why don’t snakes drink java?

Because it makes them viperactive

 

226. What do you call two coffee mugs sitting next together?

A happy cup-ple

 

227. Why do coffee and mugs go together so well?

Because they are a perfect blend for your morning coffee.

 

228. Why didn’t the espresso ever talk to the herbal drinks?

Because it said they weren’t his cup of tea.

 

229. What did the barista say to the overly excited coffee beans?

Kettle down everyone.

 

230. She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor,

but she decided to give it a shot.

 

231. Why did the coffee shop close for the day?

Because a storm was brewing.

 

232. She’ll get her daily cup of coffee through whatever

beans necessary.

 

233. What’s Fat, Slimy, and Drinks a lot of Coffee?

Java the Hut

 

234. Does the coffee shop have grounds

to be operating in the black?

 

235. What did the girl say when her coffee arrived at her table cold?

Cool beans!

 

236. I was reading a book about the origin of cappuccino

but it was all froth and no substance.

 

237. The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt.

She responded by showing him dis-stain.

 

238. Name an artist with a coffee name?

Ariana Grande, Shawn Blend-es

 

239. I do some of my best thinking about coffee.

I tend to have a latte on my mind.

 

240. Excuse me while

I kiss the chai.

 

241. Watch me cream.

Watch me nae nae.

 

242. Why you gotta be 

so brewed.

 

243. My coffee amour

is a milky little cup that I adore.

 

244. Why was the coffee-shop worker fired?

He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.

 

245. What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers?

You mocha me crazy!

 

246. If you’ve got a big test coming up,

you’d better bring your thinking cappuccino.

 

247. Need friends? Join the frappe-turnity

They all love drinking coffee frappes!

 

248. It’s hard to espresso

my feelings for you.

 

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