‘Have you ever chuckled so hard at your friend’s joke that you farted accidentally?’ Good things fart are not contagious like yawns, but we can spread laughter.’
Fart jokes and puns are perfect for any scent of humor. From wacky comedy to tongue-in-cheek puns, there’s something in store for every flatulence freak here.
Funniest Fart Jokes and Puns
Whether you were looking for a light-hearted giggle or actual fart jokes for your kids, these jokes are sure to hit the spot. And worry not, these punny fart jokes and puns certainly don’t stink! They’re a breath of purified air!
Let’s kick it off with some subtle fart jokes that start as regular jokes but end in a gaseous explosion.
1. How come no one at the kings table laughed when he farted?
2. What is it called when two mummies fart at the same time?
3. Smell you later,
4. Why doesn’t James Bond fart in bed?
5. (Said very loudly) — EXCUSE ME. (When everyone looks)
6. Scientists have just discovered a fossilized dinosaur fart.
7. I just released my own perfume.
8. An elderly couple is in church. The wife says to the husband,
9. The husband says,
10. Remember, kid, you never fart.
11. What do you call someone who doesn’t fart in public?
12. Kill your enemies with joy and kindness, but don’t forget to fart as you walk away.
13. He said, “That sounded like a duck!”
14. There are no winners when cauliflower and Brussels sprout farts are involved.
15. Now I have gas money.
16. My dad burst into my room and said, “Wanna hear a joke?”, and then proceeded to fart for a whole minute.
17. Never fart outside when it is cold;
18. If Queen Elizabeth farts during dinner, all the other guests are supposed to pretend as if nothing happened.
19. My only goal as a child was to fart loud enough
20. What do you call a replacement fart?
21. Happiness comes from within the body and soul;
22. I farted in Burger King.
23. If Bozo the clown farts,
24. I was standing next to a clown and he farted.
25. Just yell: 3, 2, 1 —
26. Farting in a packed elevator…
27. Never fart in the cheese aisle at the grocery store.
28. What do cow farts smell like?
29. I just put gas in the van;
30. I was teaching my daughter manners and telling her why it’s impolite to fart next to people when I realized…
31. A lady never poops while farting;
32. What do you call a murderer that can’t stop farting?
33. You always see the mice around me cause
34. Witches don’t fart…
35. As life walks by,
36. Why did the truck driver finally stop farting?
37. An unexpected side effect of Taquito Tuesday?
38. What do you call a caveman’s fart?
39. I farted on my debit card,
40. What do you call a smart fart?
41. I once farted at the cinema during an explosion.
42. I got a new deodorant stick today. The instructions said, “Remove cap and push up bottom.”
43. All farts are?
44. What happens to someone who farts in church?
45. Cow farts come from,
46. I came up with the funniest fart joke ever.
47. Remember the key to social distancing:
48. A fart was walking down the street when it saw another fart crying and asked, “What’s wrong?”
49. Next time you fart, look at the nearest person and say,
50. If there is one thing I have learned in my life, you must never hold in a fart.
51. What do you call it when someone notices that you farted?
52. My cat doesn’t always fart when I have company over,
53. I wish I had a dollar for every time I farted.
54. Have you ever looked at someone while they’re doing something cute,
55. A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, I have a terrible problem with gas, but it doesn’t bother me much.” “My farts are always silent and never smell. I probably farted 15 times since I’ve been here, and you didn’t realize it.” The doctor says, “Interesting. Why don’t you take these pills and come see me in a week?” The old lady returns in a week and says, “I don’t know what the heck you gave me. My farts are still silent, but oh my, they stink!!”
56. I went to an iMac store and farted.
57. An old couple were sitting in Church and the wife noticed that people were staring at her. She leaned across to her husband and whispered, “I’ve just let go a silent fart. What do you think I should do?”
58. You know how you can tell when there is a pilot in a room?
59. What do you call a teacher that doesn’t fart in public?
60. Grandma and grandpa where watching healing service on TV. The Pastor told all who wanted to be healed to put on hand on the TV and the other hand on a body part that wanted healing. Grandma slowly put one hand on the TV and the other on her arthritic shoulder. Grandpa too got up, put one hand on the TV and the other on his private parts.
61. Confucius say, man who fart in church.
62. You might be a redneck if?
63. An old woman decides to get physical after a number of years. While the doctor is examining her she mentions that over the years she has learned to fart silently and they never smell anymore. The doctor said “Ok, that’s great”, finishes up the exam, gives her a prescription and tells her to come back in a couple of weeks. When she returns, she complains that her farts now smell awful.
64. What’s the difference between a dead lawyer and a dead dog in the road?
65. What does the US military and a fart have in common?
66. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?
67. Yo mama’s so fat she went to Jenny Craig
68. I farted in a room of hipsters
69. If you get farted on during a fight… Guess what?
70. A human fart can be louder than a trombone.
71. If you boil a funny bone, it’s a laughing stock,
72. Why do men fart more than women?
73. A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
74. If farting under the covers is a Dutch oven…
75. Your voice reminds me of a fart.
76. What is born skinless, flies wingless and sings until it dies?
77. “Yoga”, a Hindi word meaning?
78. What’s the difference between a woman and a Fridge?
79. Why is the dog man’s best friend?
80. A guy is in a waiting room and has to fart, so he waits for the music to get loud and farts to the beat so no one hears him. He looks up for a moment and everyone is staring at him.
81. Why fart and waste it,
82. What do farts and children have in common?
83. Why don’t women fart?
84. I farted in front of a Jewish friend
85. What do you call it when George Thorogood farts on a throne?
86. Why do Farts Smell so Bad?
87. What do you call a man who makes fart scented candles?
88. It’s never EVER a good idea to fart during a 69.
89. The EU is much like a bad fart.
90. I farted on the bus today and four people turned around
91. Thought I could safely force a fart,
92. I just farted so hard that blood came out
93. Why should February 10th be National Fart Day?
94. Farts are like children
95. I was startled by a loud fart.
96. What is it called when a prairie dog sees its shadow?
97. What do you call a Hooker’s fart?
98. Do you know why single women can’t fart?
99. Old lady in a fancy restaurant leans over to her hubby and says , I’ve done a silent fart what should I do?
100. Success is like a fart.
101. A sweet young girl walks into an elevator at Macy’s, trailing a cloud of expensive perfume. She brags to the elderly woman who was inside, Coco Chanel $900 per ounce.
102. What’s the difference between a pun and a fart?
103. What do you call someone who helps you learn to fart?
104. Frank farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out. He goes and sits outside the class and can’t stop laughing. The principle walks by and sees him. He asks, Frank, why are you sitting outside your class laughing?” I farted in class and the teacher threw me out. The principle asks him again, Well then, why are you laughing?
105. Back in my day, you would cough to cover up a fart.
106. Do you know why women fart after they pee?
107. The Queen was riding in an open carriage with the American Ambassador when one of the horses let out an enormous fart. The Queen turns to the Ambassador and says “My goodness, I do apologise”
108. What did the mountain lion say when it had to fart?
109. They say I fart like the pharaohs…
110. What is it called when two mummies fart at the same time?
111. What’s invisible and smells like dead grass?
112. An old man is put into a nursing home by his daughter… He sits in the common lounge room and leans to the left. A nurse aide runs over and stops him from falling from his chair and straitens him up. A few minutes later He starts leaning to the right – but again a nurse aide runs over and straitens him up. Later, his daughter calls in to see how he is settling.
113. A fart and a relationship have on important thing in common.
114. I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart. The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to feel much better.
115. I promised myself I would never tell another fart joke...
116. The French Ambassador was on a visit to the U.K. During one stage of the visit, he was travelling in the Royal Carriage with Her Majesty the Queen. Suddenly, one of the horses let out a tremendously loud and powerful fart. “Oh dear, one can only apologise!” Said the Queen.
117. What’s worse than fart?
118. What is a fart?
119. Why are silent farts called ninja farts?
120. How did the beans wish their father on Father’s day?
121. Why don’t farts perform well at school?
122. What did one fly sitting on the poop say to another when it farted?
123. Why is a fart on kickstart?
124. What did poop say to the fart?
125. What do you get if you eat a meal with beans and onions?
126. What did the baby diaper say to the fart in the thank you note?
127. What do you say to the fart that startles you?
128. What do you do to get a bubble bath after dinner?
129. What is the definition of bravery?
130. Why did the chicken cross the road?
131. Why do people think Piglet farts?
132. Why shouldn’t you fart while scuba diving?
133. What blessing would you give someone who wants to fart but you don’t want them to?
134. Why would the chicken cross the road?
135. Which one of the fart quotes suits a farter person the best?
136. Why did the woman stop telling a joke about her fart?
137. Why are farts more than 0lbs in weight dangerous?
138. What would you call a fart in Germany?
139. Why did God create a fart and added smell to it?
140. What would one experience first if someone farts while traveling, a sound or smell?
141. What would you say if you fart and people around you look annoyed?
142. What would the other artistic word for a fart be?
143. What do you do when you feel like no one ever listens to you?
144. What can you possibly do to make the world stop laughing at you?
145. Why can farts be good spies?
146. What situation could possibly make one of the best birthday fart jokes?
147. Why would it smell funny in a circus?
148. How would you biologically call a fart?
149. What would you say if someone is farting while doing yoga?
150. What do the scuba divers worry about?
151. Why are farts the sharpest things in the world?
152. What would Britney Spears say after, as usual, she let one rip?
153. Why can’t skeletons fart in public?
154. What would you say if someone farted in a time machine?
155. Why does farting feel so good?
156. What would a bad idea from a brilliant person be called?
157. What happens when one holds in a fart for too long?
158. Why are earphones not advised while farting?
159. Knock Knock.
A fart, who?
160. What would a brain be called if not a single piece of information could ever be retrieved from there?
161. Knock Knock.
162. Yo momma’s so fat, when she farted,
163. Knock Knock.
164. Three dead men go to hell at the same time.
Three dead men go to hell at the same time. There is a white man, a Chinese man, and a Mexican man. Satan tells them that they can only leave hell if he can’t do what they ask. The white man asks for the fastest sports car in the world; he goes to into hell. The Chinese man asks for the most advanced computer in the world; he goes into to hell. The Mexican man gets a glass soda bottle, farts into it, closes the lid, pokes many holes in the lid, and asks Satan which hole the fart came from.
165. Say, “Do I smell popcorn?” right after you fart.
166. I recently saw a girl standing by a tree and I said “Why so lonely cutie?”
167. If you ever fart in public, just yell,
168. Yo mama so old she farts dust and,
169. Sometimes… when you cry … no one sees your tears… sometimes… when you are happy… no one sees your smile…
170. Yo momma is so nasty when she farts,
171. A woman goes to her boyfriend’s parents’ house for dinner. This is her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart. It wasn’t loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend’s father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women’s feet, and said in a rather stern voice, “Ginger!” The woman thought, “This is great!” and a big smile came across her face. A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn’t hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, “Dammit, Ginger!” Once again the woman smiled and thought, “Yes!” A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip.
172. Yo momma so fat, every time she farts
173. Yo momma so fat that when she farted,
174. There were three guys in a hot air balloon, one said “We have too many of these.” And droped a piece of wood. The second guy said “We have too many of these.” And droped a brick. The last guy said “We have too many of these.” And droped a bomb.
On the ground was a police officer who found a guy crying, “Why are you crying?” “A plank of wood hit me on the head!” he replies. On the officer went. He then saw another guy crying, “Why are you crying?”
175. Your momma is so fat,
176. ‘Girls Night Out’ One night my girls invited me out. I promised my husband I’d be home by midnight. Hours passed and margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 AM (a bit loaded) I headed home. Just as I got in the cuckoo clock chimed 3 times. Afraid my hubby would wake I quickly cuckooed 9 more times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick witted solution. The next morning he asked what time I got in. I said “MIDNIGHT!” He seemed fine so I thought I’d gotten away with it. Then he said “We need a new cuckoo clock.”
177. Bill gates farted on an -Apple- store and stunk up the place,
178. Your momma’s so stupid when my car ran out of gas
179. A man hires a hooker and they go back to his house. The man says I have never had a 69 before. The hooker says okay lets try that. they get into position and she farts. the hooker says o i’m sorry, i don’t know whats gotten into me. she goes into the bathroom to freshen up. she comes out and gets into position and again she farts. she says sorry i don/t know whats gotten into me.let me go freshen up . she gets into position again and she farts she says sorry let me go freshen up.
180. Three guys are skydiving and the first guy throws a brick out the window, the second guy throws a stone out the window, and the third guy throws a grenade out the window. When they land they decide to go walk into town, so they are walking down the street until they see a woman crying. The first guy asks, “Whats wrong?” The woman says, “A brick fell out the sky and killed my cat.” So they continue down the street then see a young boy crying. The second guy asks, “Whats wrong?” The boy said that a stone fell out of the sky and killed his dog. They continue down the road until they see the man laughing his ass off. The third guy asks, “Whats so funny?”
181. Yo mama’s breath is so bad people look forward to
182. The teacher asked little Johnny to use the word “definitely” in a sentence. Little Johnny replies, “Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?”
183. There are 3 men on a plane a Mexican an American and a Russian the Mexican says “I hate my country!” And throughs a soup out the window the American says “I hate my country” and throughs a pie out the window. The Russian says “I hate my country!” And throughs a bomb out the window. Then the plane lands and the Mexican sees a kid crying the Mexican says “what’s wrong kid?” The kid says “a soup fell on my mom’s head and she burnt to death.” “I didn’t do that” says the Mexican. the American was walking and saw a kid crying “what’s wrong kid?” The kid says “my mom was driving and a pie fell on her windshield and drove off a cliff cause she couldn’t see!!”
184. An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor asks him, “So how has life been treating you?”
185. Yo mamma so poor when she farted she said:
186. The Russians thought that America
187. Yo mama so fat the National Hurricane Center named,
188. What’s invisible and smells like carrots?
189. Fart when someone hugs you,
190. That moment when you laugh so much about your friends joke
191. Why do women fart after they take a piss?
192. It’s a good thing farts aren’t “contagious”
193. Prince: so nice to meet you, your beautiful face is making me dizzy. *farts*
Princess: did you just fart
Prince: i was just blowing you a kiss.
194. Embarrassing Fart Story. Here’s one that a lot of y’all can probably relate to. I’m probably gonna add more to it at some point……..
195. What do you call it when someone farts in a Gay Bar?
196. Your friend might secretly be a member of ISIS if…
197. Three men are offered a chance to get out of Hell.
198. Life is like a fart.
199. Tell your favorite fart joke growing up. More terrible the better. Three men jumped out of an airplane. The first one jumped and dropped a penny. When he landed, he found a boy crying, and asked him why he was crying. He of course said, a penny fell on his head. A second man jumped and dropped an apple. He found another kid crying, and he asked why. The boy said an apple hit him in the head. The third man jumped and dropped a grenade. He found a boy laughing his eyes out when he landed. He asked the boy what was so funny and he said, “When I farted, my house blew up.”
200. Everytime yo mamma farts the tsunami warning sirens go off,
201. Yo mama so nasty her farts are classified
202. Some Exes are like farts…
203. A Woman Walks Into A Cafe. A woman goes to a cafe and takes a seat outside. While she’s eating, she overhears a group of men at the next table. “Look, let’s go with the simple option. It’s spelled W-O-O-M.” “No, I’m sure there’s an R in there. W-O-O-M-R.” “I thought it was longer than that, and had a B. W-O-O-M-M-B-R-R.” you’re looking for is W-O-M-B, womb.” With that she walks off, the men staring after her. Finally, one of the men turns back to the others. “Do you think she’s right?”
204. Ole and Sven and two Swedish girls.
205. A Boy Meets His Girlfriend’s Dad for the First Time…own and only silence remains. Suddenly, Jimmy feels the need to fart. He doesn’t know what to do as he doesn’t want to disgust his girlfriend’s father. He lets out a little poot. “Rover!” yells the dad. Relieved that the father thinks the dog farted, Jimmy lets out a louder, smellier fart. Again, the dad yells “Rover!” Jimmy, full of confidence, lets out the biggest, wettest, smelliest fart one has ever experience. The father yells out a final time:
206. I farted at work the other day and my coworker started trying to open the window.
207. A preacher, a librarian, and a soldier…out several of his favorite books. And the soldier threw out some grenades. Upon landing, the group encountered a little boy who was crying. “What’s wrong?” asked the preacher. The boy responded, “I was playing with that little girl over there and some wooden crosses fell on my head!” The preacher, realizing his mistake, stayed with the boy to comfort him. The librarian and the soldier continued to walk to the nearest town. On the way, they noticed a little girl who was in tears. “What is the matter?” asked the librarian. The girl answered, “I was playing with that little boy over there and some books fell on my head!” Feeling guilty, the librarian chose to stay with her.
208. The teacher asks Little Billy to use the word ‘definitely’ in a sentence.
209. Donald Meets The Queen of England!
Together the Queen of England and Donald Trump proceeded to Buckingham Palace in a carriage drawn by six white horses. Regrettably, the rear horse let go of a putrid and lingering fart. The coach stunk like a sewage treatment plant, and the Queen turned to Donald and said: “Mister Trump, please accept my humblest apologies, but there are some things that even a Queen cannot control.” Donald quickly replied:
210. Another fart joke that includes a doctor.
A man goes to the doctor to tell him about his recent extreme flatulence. He is constantly farting as he tells the doctor about his problem. At one point, the Doctor excuses himself leaves the room and comes back with a six-foot-long pole with a hook on the end. The man says “WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THAT???”
211. I used to love farting in lifts.
212. An old couple had been married for many years. They loved each other very much, but there was one thing that had been annoying the woman through all the years and she had to teach him a lesson. One evening, when he had fallen asleep, she slipped a couple of meters of uncooked sausage into his underpants. The next morning he woke up, and just like every morning he let loose a hellish fart. Instantly he got an anxious look on his face, and holding his hands over his butt, he ran to the bathroom. The wife, containing her laughter, got up and went about her business. After she had finished breakfast, she got a bit worried and went to knock on the bathroom door. After a few minutes he came out, sweat running down his face, and exclaimed:
213. What’s the difference between a tavern and an elephant fart?
214. A couple is watching TV together in bed.
215. My friend died from an explosion after lighting his fart on fire.
216. My dad had a rule that if we farted in the car we had to pay him 10 dollars out of our $100 monthly allowance.
217. A Woman enters a jeweler’s and spots a diamond ring.
218. Fart your guts out. That the man let out so often had become a topic of argument in past few years. The woman believed it was a problem. The man would just laugh about it. Following these loud and disgusting farts, the woman would always tell the man that one day he would fart his guts out. It being Thanksgiving and the woman having all the turkey innards and meat scraps in a bowl, she decided to play a prank on the man who was upstairs taking a nap. He was a very deep sleeper. She took the bowl of turkey innards and scraps and ever so carefully placed them in the man’s tighty whities while he napped. Then she snuck back downstairs and continued to prepare the meal. It was about a half hour later when she heard a loud scream and fast footsteps to the bathroom. She immediately ran upstairs and asked if everything was alright. He quickly opened the bathroom door all sweaty and out of breath.
219. My thesis on Orbital Flatulence took seven years of hard work…
220. Chinese herbologist.
“You see….. whenever I fart, it comes out HONDA!!!”. I’ve tried everything, changed my diet, stopped drinking beer and eating beans… everything!”. The bartender says “have you tried Chinese herbology?”. “No”, says the man. “Well”, says the bartender, “there’s a Chinese herbologist right around the corner; it wouldn’t hurt to give him a shot”. So, the man goes to see the Chinese herbologist and tells him all about his problem. “Ahhh…”, says the herbologist, “you have an abscess in your tooth, you must go to the dentist”.
221. What do you call a melodious fart uploaded online?
222. So a lady and four cowboys are playing poker…sses and the lady farts again,so now the 3rd cowboy takes the blame.
223. Today I put a new lens on my camera that allows me to take photos of farts. It’s called flatulence.
224. A man is on the side of the road hitchhiking. Two truckers stop and pick him up. They’re driving along and the trucker driving farts. It’s completely silent. Then the trucker sitting next to him farts, and it makes no sound at all. The hitchhiker farts, and it’s loud enough to shake the whole cab.
225. Today, in math class,. I had the urge to fart. I had the bright idea that if I dropped my textbook and farted at the same time, nobody would hear it.
226. A wife promised her husband she’d be home by midnight when she went out drinking with her friends…band might wake up, the wife cuckooed another 9 times. She was proud of herself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution in order to escape a possible conflict with him. “Even smashed, 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos equals 12 cuckoos. That’s midnight!” She thought. The next morning the husband asked his wife what time she got home last night.
227. Little Boy is at home while mom leaves for a short trip to the store. Johnny starts up with the balloon again. He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet. Mom comes in and while putting away the groceries gets the urge. A diarrhea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes. When she’s finished she looks down and can’t believe what she’s seeing. Diarrhea everywhere! She’s not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls her doctor. The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he’ll be over shortly to examine everything. When he arrives she leads him to the bathroom and he gets down on his knees and takes a hard look at the thing. Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be. POP! The balloon explodes and diarrhea is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc.
228. What do you call someone who wheezes when they fart?
229. At a medical conference.
230. Marriage is about accepting each other’s flaws. For example, if I fart, my wife calls me disgusting and hits me.
231. A construction worker, a Native American, and a soldier are standing on top of a hill. A hammer fell from the sky and killed my dog.” The Native American throws an arrow from the top of the hill, then goes down the hill and sees a little girl crying. “Why are you crying, little girl? he asks. The girl says, “An arrow fell from the sky and killed my cat.” Finally, the soldier throws a grenade from the top of the hill, then goes down the hill and sees a little boy laughing. “Why are you laughing, little boy?” he asks.
232. What is it called when your boyfriend farts and then denies it?
233. If I was the last person on earth and farted…
234. A man goes to war and his wife vows to not wash at all until he returns! Ten years later, he returns and his wife meets him at the airport. After they get in a car the wife asks: “Whats wrong? You haven’t spoken a word since you came”
235. Wife to old fart hubby: honey, lets go upstairs and make love hubby:
236. What do you call a lesson in farting?
237. The most beautiful piece of music ever written is a fart.
238. Big Chief. Medicine Man. “It will clear you of your problems”. The next day, the Chief returned to the Medicine Man, frustrated saying: “Big Chief no fart!” The Medicine Man doubled the dosage and sent the Chief on his way. The next day, the Chief returns to the medicine man, furious. “BIG CHIEF NO FART!” Afraid, the Medicine man gives the Chief the most potent remedy he has, hoping to clear him for good. The next day, the Chief’s wife pays a visit to the Medicine Man:
239. Lighting your farts can be dangerous….
240. So 3 men die and go to heaven…The magician goes first and asks St. Peter what the most complex mathematical equation is. St. Peter pulls out a scroll and reads the mathematician the equation. The mathematician has been whisked away into hell. The chemist goes next. He asks St. Peter the most complex chemical formula, and again, St. Peter pulls out a scroll. He reads the most complex chemical formula, and the chemist is whisked to hell. The idiot goes next. He asks St. Peter for a drill, and a wooden chair. The chair and drill appear in front of them, and the idiot proceeds to drill 6 holes into the seat of the chair, and then sits down on the chair. The idiot lets a huge fart rip. He asks St. Peter which hole he farted out of. St. Peter sniffs each hole. St. Peter then asks “Was it hole number 4?”
241. Yo mama so fat that whenever she wears a yellow raincoat in public,
242. Yo mama so fat
243. Yo mama so old
244. Yo mama so fat that whenever she wears a red dress
245. My brother and I were hanging out in a super trendy coffee shop when he farted, and suddenly a melee broke out.
246. A boy comes home proudly and announces to his parents “Mom, dad, the teacher asked the class a question today and I was the only one who knew the right answer!” The parents are very happy and ask, “That’s amazing Lenny! And what was the question?”
247. I have a theory that women don’t fart,
248. What is your best “Confucius says” joke?
249. What’s the definition of bravery?
250. What do you call farting and having diarrhea at the same time?
251. Two drunk men visit a brothel. The madame takes a look at them and tells her manager: Go and put inflatable dolls in their bedrooms. These guys are too drunk to notice. After finishing their act,on their way back … 1st drunk: I think my girl was dead as she never made a noise or made a move. Upon this the 2nd drunk says: Mine was worse……. I think she was a witch!!!
1st drunk: Why would u say that???
252. Why did the dragon go to jail for farting?
253. A married man is from Mars. A married woman is from Venus.
254. Yo momma so fat
255. 3 guys are on a plane. The first guy throws out an apple and the other two ask him why he threw it out and he said to see where it would land. The second guy throws out an orange and the other two ask him why he threw it out and he said to see where it would land. The third guy throws out a grenade and the other two ask why and he says to see where it would land. So they go to find their stuff they first see a boy crying and ask why he is crying and he says an apple hit his head so they move on.
256. My son farted several times in a row this morning and said “wow! I’m really pootin’ “… I said “well what are you going to do about the Russian economy?”
257. What do you call a fart that doesn’t matter?
258. SWEET PERFUME.
A high-class-looking woman sat down next to me on the train. I took in a breath and asked aloud, ‘What’s that smell?’ She turned to me, looked down her nose and said, ‘Chanel, 500 dollars an ounce.” She turned away. About 10 minutes later, I let out a silent fart. She turns to me and asks,What’s that smell?’
259. How’s a fart and a teenager alike?
260. What’s the difference between origami and a grandpa passing wind?
261. Title that makes you click the post. she in the lower. After trying to fall asleep for a few hours, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, “Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold.” “I have a better idea,” she replied. “Just for tonight, let’s pretend that we’re married.””Wow! That’s a great idea!” he exclaimed. “Good,” she replied. “Get your own damn blanket!”
262. What do you call a fart?
263. There are 3 helicopter pilots… first pilot lands, he finds a little girl crying and he asks “why are you crying?” The little girl replies, “I was just standing here and an apple fell out of the sky and hit me in the head!” When the second pilot lands, he finds a little boy crying and he asks “why are you crying?” The little boy replies, “I was just standing here and a banana fell out of the sky and hit me in the head!” When the third pilot lands, he finds a little boy laughing and he asks “what are you laughing about?”
264. A man sees a doctor about his weird-sounding flatulence. The Japanese doctor asked to hear it. So the guy rips one and it goes honda, honda, honda, honda. The doctor says, Ahh yes, I know the problem.
265. Grandma’s 100th Birthday. So some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right side. A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left side. Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, and then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up. A nephew who arrived late came up to Grandma and said, “Hi, Grandma, you’re looking good! How are they treating you?”
266. Why do evangelical Christians get excited when J. Lo or Nicki Minaj farts?
267. An old lady goes to the doctor. Says I don’t really have a big problem, I fart all the time, but they’re silent and they don’t smell. As a matter of fact, I farted four times while sitting here talking to you. Dr. Gives her some pills and says to come back in a week. A week later the lady shows up and says not sure what you gave me, I’m still farting, but now they are really loud and it’s quite embarrassing.
268. A guy walks into a bar and bets the bartender he can fart the National Anthem…the bartender says “You’re on buddy! There’s no way you can fart the entire National Anthem!” So the guy pulls down his pants and starts crapping all over the bar.
269. Little Johnny comes home from school feeling very proud of himself. Mom: Hello Johnny, you are looking very pleased about something. Johnny: I got a question right that nobody else knew the answer to.Mom: Oh that’s brilliant, well done, what was the question?
270. Two rich men and a terrorist are on top of a building……and the two rich men decide that they will each throw a coin off the top of the building, and see who collects it at the bottom. The first man throws a silver coin, but it does not go very far. The second man goes, “Hah! I bet I can throw farther than you!” and throws another silver coin, a bit farther. The terrorist says,”I am sure I can throw a bomb farther than the both of you.” He then proceeds to lob his bomb a lot further than the other two men.
271. A fart song from my childhood. Arty farty threw a party, All the farts were there,
272. The Cuckoo Clock. The clock in the hall started up and cuckooed three times. Quickly realizing her husband would probably wake up, she cuckooed another nine times. She was really proud of herself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him. The next morning her husband asked her what time she got in, and she told him midnight. He didn’t seem disturbed at all. “Whew!” she thought, “Got away with that one!”