37 Best Cougar Jokes and Puns

If you enjoy funny jokes about intimate partner relationships, this post is yours to go to.

Best Cougar Jokes and Puns

Here you will find humorous cougar jokes and puns punchlines to pick up a successful conversation that will seduce a cougar almost instantly!

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1. When I saw Stephen Fry was getting married to a much younger man, I wondered what a gay cougar was called.

A pink panther.


2. What do John Mellencamp and Ashton Kutcher have in common?

They both picked up a Cougar and then thought better of it.


3. If a cougar is a woman who likes younger boys… then a man who likes younger boys must be

a Nittany lion!


4. When a guy thinks that older women are more into him than they actually are…

Is it an example of the Dunning-Cougar effect?


5. If a “cougar” is an older woman who is into younger men, what do you call an older woman who is into younger women?

A gym teacher


6. The older gal I was hitting on at the bar turned me down when I asked her to come to my place

“I can’t,” she said as she went to the ladies’ room, “cramps, but they hurt so good.” Sigh. Another night ruined by John cougar menstrual cramp.


7. Did you know if you play “don’t tread on me” by Metallica, it will scare off a cougar?

I decided to check to see if it was true by going to a bar and played the song. Sure enough, all the older ladies left.


8. How does a cougar obtain the perfect tan?

She uses a perfect son.


9. A man meets a gorgeous cougar at a bar.

They go back to her place for a night of passion. Afterwards the cub rolls over and asks how it was for her. “See those 3 shelves of teddy bears. Take any prize on the bottom shelf” the cougar says.


10. I got to bang a 10/10 cougar after a night at the club.

Now I’m banned from the local zoo..


11. If an older woman who goes after a younger man is called a cougar, what is an older man going after a younger girl called?



12. What do you call a married cougar?

A cheetah


13. A leopard can carry something twice its weight into a tree

A cheetah


14. What do you call a Japanese Cougar with exceptional taste?



15. What is a cougar’s favorite food?

Baked beings!


16. When a woman dates a younger man she’s called a cougar, when a man dates a younger woman he is called



17. John Cougar Mellencamp’s first ever rough draft of ‘Hurts so Good’ was recently leaked…

“I long for those young boy days with a girl like you… But not you specifically. Got a sister?”So my parents were “debating” at the dinner table the other night


18. Mom: Cougar is the term used to describe an older woman who desires young men. I’m seeing a double standard here. Why isn’t there a term for an older man who desires young women? What is he called?

Dad: Smart.


19. Why Did You Dump The Cougar?

“Because he was a lion cheetah!”


20. What do you get when you cross the mailman with a Cougar?

According to the Paternity Test: Me


21. What is a cougar’s favorite kill?

A Stagg with a nice rack!


22. Cougars are hot.

But it’s a dry heat.


23. What do you call a cougar that’s hostile to you?

An enemilf.


24. What’s the opposite of a cougar?

A pedophile


25. According to my Mom, my Dad slept with a cougar once, which is how I was born.

It’s weird how science works.


26. How do you tell the difference between a Cougar and a MILF?

Stretch marks.


27. NEVER fight a cougar

Just give her a fake name and sneak her out in the morning


28. I dated an older furry once…

She was a cougar


29. My neighbor is a cougar into BDSM

You could say she is into strapping young lads.


30. An older woman who dates younger men is called a cougar. What do you call an older man who dates younger women?



31. I tried dating a cougar once.

Turned out she was a cheetah.


32. Last night I had an Ant on me…

Okay, I guess she was more of a Cougar.


33. A woman…who likes younger men is a cougar, a man that likes younger boys is a Nittany



34. What do you call a female sexual predator?



35. Slept with a cougar recently

She was wild! But now the zoo is suing me.


36. I brought a cougar into my home.

I forgot about the cow I married.


37. Mother and Daughter Action.

She thought they should go back to her place which was just around the corner. At first the man was reluctant, but his friends kept encouraging him to do it. In a final attempt to lure him back, the lady offered him some mother daughter action if he would join her. Excited, he relents and follows the lady’s lead back to her house. Once they get home, she lights some candles, puts some sensual music on and starts passionately kissing him. Looking around for the daughter and not seeing anyone, the man asks “aren’t you forgetting someone?” The lady apologizes, and walks over to the stairs and yells up “hey mom I’ve got one!”




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